#god I miss having goats and this one was so fucking sweet

[foldingfittedsheets]

Like. You can try to tell me not to touch but if an adorable Pygmy goat comes up and begs for head scritchies, like. I’m gonna.

[f1rodrigo]

sweet relief | l. norris | part four

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ it's so reckless of me...

summary: in which you fall for your best friend’s teammate and keeping it a secret proves to be harder than you intended. or when all you need is sweet relief the rest of the world fades away. pairing: social media au || lando norris x piastri bsf!reader fc: olivia rodrigo <3

inspired by the song ‘sweet relief’ by madison beer

ALL PARTS HERE

a/n: hi i'm veryyyyy sorry for how long it took me to get this one up but it has a bit more than the other parts did & its currently finals week so the end of the semester is always very busy so i didn't have much time to work on this. hope you enjoy xx

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

landonorris added to their story

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

📍 Tokyo, Japan

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, and 2,032,987 others

yourusername i don't dream of anyone else...

view all 3,098 comments

user1 SHES IN JAPAN EVERYONE UP

user2 miss girl...this caption...the rumors...is it lyrics...what does it all mean%^&(@&@(!

user3 this caption after all the rumors ohhh my girl dont give a fuckkkk

user4 can't tell if this is her confirming or denying

⤷ user5 ...or living her life and not paying it any mind

user6 WHY THE FUCK IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THE LAST PHOTO??? ITS LITERALLY THE ELEVATOR AND FIT SHE WAS IN FROM THE DELETED PIC ON LANDOS STORY HELLO

⤷ user7 wait omfg it is.... idk why i didnt realize it sooner ⤷ user8 pls they do not gafffff anymore basically telling us they're together ⤷ user9 omg what deleted story???? ⤷ user10 go to @/norrisupdates on twitter i think they posted it before he deleted

user11 max fewtrell in the likes oh i am Thinking

lilymhe prettiest girl <3

⤷ yourusername i love u so dearly ms lily ⤷ user12 this is wag confirmation idc

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆

yourusername added to their story

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liked by lnfour, yourusername, and 643,811 others

landonorris DOUBLE PODIUM!!!!!!!!!! Congrats mate! Thanks @/mclaren 🧡

view all 3,070 comments

mclaren Very good, very nice. 🏆🏆👏

oscarpiastri Well done mate 👊

riabish 🙌

user13 ANOTHER PODIUM THATS MY GOAT

user14 who would've thought... wow i am so proud

user15 mclaren double podium i used to pray for times like these

yourusername conhrsts 😭🧡

⤷ landonorris hmm sorry what was that ⤷ yourusername oh my god i couldn't see through my tears YOU KNEW WHAT I MEANT ⤷ user16 COULDNT SEE THROUGH HER TEARS PLSSS SHES JUST LIKE US ⤷ user17 mom and dad are fighting i dont like this

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆

liked by landonorris, yourusername, and 643,811 others

oscarpiastri One for the mantelpiece 🏆 and driver of the day too!! you guys 🧡

view all 2,217 comments

user18 SOBBING MY EYES OUT

landonorris Congrats mate!!

⤷ oscarpiastri You too mate! (and i'm not talking about the podium 😉) ⤷ landonorris ...I take it back ⤷ user19 oscar piastri what the FUCK is that supposed to mean

yourusername I AM CRYING LIKE A PARENT DROPPING THEIR CHILD OFF FOR THEIR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

⤷ user15 yn & lando parents to oscar has now been confirmed

yourusername so beyond proud of you oscar 🥹

⤷ oscarpiastri 🧡🧡 ⤷ user20 cannot imagine how she feels watching him all her life through karting till now and getting to witness his first podium oh my gosh im crying again ⤷ user21 STFU NOW IM CRYING

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liked by oscarpiastri, dan_nigro, and 3,981,061 others

yourusername my new single, 'sweet relief' will be all yours in one week. presave at the link in my bio<3

view all 5,910 comments

user30 BEST DAY OF MY LIFE ARE U KIDDING

user31 love song about lando calling it now

user32 sobbing my eyes out new yn music

user33 BABE WAKE UP YN YLN ANNOUNCED NEW MUSIC

landonorris 🔥

⤷ user34 real

logansargeant lets goooo

user34 HIT OF THE YEAR INCOMING

user35 cannot wait oh my fucking god

alex_albon lily and i will be streaming❗️❗️

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆

tagged:

@allywthsr , @2bormaybenot , @vellicora

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Little Talks (Of Monsters and Men)

You're gone, gone, gone away; I watched you disappear/All that's left is a ghost of you Now we're torn, torn, torn apart; there's nothing we can do/Just let me go, we'll meet again soon/Now wait, wait, wait for me; please hang around/I'll see you when I fall asleep

"It's such a happy song, in sound, but it's about a woman and her dead lover, both of them singing call and response to one another. missing each other, the dead having to watch the living grieve them. and the bridge is both of them at once and just. oh my god"

No Children (The Mountain Goats)

I hope that our few remaining friends/Give up on trying to save us/I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot/To piss off the dumb few that forgave us/I hope the fences we mended/Fall down beneath their own weight/And I hope we hang on past the last exit/I hope it’s already too late

I hope it stays dark forever/I hope the worst isn't over....And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out/You'd stay the hell out of my way

I am drowning/There is no sign of land/You are coming down with me/Hand in unlovable hand

And I hope you die/I hope we both die

"The song of all time. It's the soundtrack for countless bad vibes ships (affectionate). The phrase 'hand in unlovable hand' has immutably altered the brain chemistry of thousands with its underlying sentiment and launched a hundred accompanying memes. 'I hope you die, I hope we both die' crams such incredible rawness and depth of feeling into all of nine words. It also makes for a great singalong."

"I need to leave. I need to LEAVE. I need to get out of this situation and I'd hope that if i found the strength to walk out, you'd stay the hell out of my way. I need to leave. Please. Let me out. HAND IN UN FUCKING LOVABLE HAND"

"Just. Man. These two are so broken. They want to be in love. They aren't. They hate each other so much. They are the only ones who understand each other. They wish that they weren't so close but all they can taste is ash when they think of leaving each other. Just, mutually assured destruction tastes so sweet when you can taste the blood on their tongue."

"It's No Children."

"goddd man this song is about being an irredeemable freak with another irredeemable freak and i think that's beautiful. there's something so fuck you up ish about the person you hate and despise the most in the world also being the only other person who is like you, who gets you. im going down, but youre going down too. we can be terrible people together... even if i hate you... even if you're the fucking worst. because we don't have anyone else. there's always a sort of comfort in knowing that there's someone out there who's as terrible as you are, and maybe you only hate them because you see yourself in them a little, too. anyway clay and bloberta from moral orel"

"The sheer emotion packed into the way it’s sung, the lyrics themselves, all of it just screams ‘clinging desperately to someone you hate because you don’t have anyone else and you burned those bridges yourself’ and I find that painfully relatable"

"It's a song about both virulent self-hatred and virulent hatred of someone else and yet you see yourself intertwined with that hated person forever."

Poll runner: Do I even have to add anything? This was the tournament's most submitted song.

No Children submitted by @leovaldezdefender + @diogenescynic2288 + many others

[angelinthefire]

was this the best episode of severance yet? I think so. It kept hitting points that I thought were going to The Big Thing for the episode. And then something MORE happened.

Irving's moment with Felicia was so sweet. And he found out where the door was, and I thought that was going to be the big plot advancement. But it was like the smallest.

I was crying over Dylan's wife saying she loved him. That whole scene. What a mindfuck for Dylan. Ohmygod. He was so child-like the whole time.

He's actually kind of a fuckup? I'll be good. I'll make y'all proud of me.

I'm always proud of you. I love you.

And he can't say it back! Oh my God. it's heartbreaking is what it is.

BUT THEN MARK. OH MY GOD MARK. HIS FACE. When he was told Gemma's alive. I could feel that in my soul. Someone give Adam Scott an award for that oh my God. That fucking transcended the screen.

And then he agrees so fast to reintegrate! That's all it took!

Like there is so much media that starts with a guy with a dead wife, and I think this is the only one I've seen where it really truly feels for real like he loves her and that it's a real loss and not just a plot device. Part of it is that is the writing and that the way Mark grieves her is so messy and so real, but not gratuitous. But the acting needs to sell it and omg Adam Scott does.

And then reintegration is happening already! I would have pegged that for, like, an episode 7 development. But nope! They are keeping us on our toes and picking up the pace! My jaw was open for the whole last two scenes.

And on top of all that: More goat lore! They Hamilton-ified Kier Eagan.

And what the heck happened with Cobel? I hope I didn't miss anything.

But I'm starting believe the its-Helena-not-Helly theory. Like there's something they're holding back about her.

Just so good.

[the-muppet-joker]

Hoggle fuckability rating on the Skaft Meter:

Style: He has a quaint style and an eye for accessorizing. They approach me in Garden of Gethsemane. I wonder if they taste the blood in my sweat on their lips after they press a kiss to my cheek. I wonder if my anguish will change their mind. Did they always plan to betray me like this? Or did they decide only after I bore my secret heart to them that I was something to be tossed aside to the wolves and snakes and goats, for 30 pieces of silver. How much are your loved ones worth to you? Or can you only determine their worth after you decide not to love them anymore? Did my blood taste sweet to you? Very nice.

Kink: He would be very submissive, I think. I would enjoy hearing him whimper. He would enjoy degradation. He would take my whole fist. Christ is depicted almost peacefully on the cross. Suffering silently. The perfect sacrifice. I am not so sinless. I would have screamed. Is that why you look away from my crucifixion, God? I suppose you can only watch a man scream for so long until you grow tired of it. I strive to entertain you with my suffering, Father. Are you bored of me? Is that why I am so despicable in your eyes? Very Nice.

Aesthetic: Old and shriveled, and not in a "dilfy" way. My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? You look at me with such disgust from across the dinner table. And yet you find it within yourself to sing while shoveling my brother's manure. I want to be loved unconditionally like an animal. I am a muppet. I am a clown. I AM YOUR SON! I hated Bucephalus because I knew no one else would. He could trample me to death and my Father would get down on his knees and wash the blood off of his hooves. I miss him. The horse, I mean. At least I knew where I stood with him. Not impressed.

Fertility: Infertile. I am tired of being deceived and despised. I hate being hated. I am sorry for making you hate me, Four. Not impressed.

Treatment: Hoggle would be there for me. He would be loyal. He would never betray me and all I would have to do would be to give him shiny things. I could give him shiny things. Very nice.

6/10 would fuck Hoggle

[rubywillkins]

Ruby's Cafe

Welcome to Ruby's Cafe, you can customise your orders of fics from this menu, you just have to select what, and how you want your fic to be..

And voila your fic is ready♥️

I do driver × female reader, driver × gn reader.

Menu

Coffee (tropes)

Americano - Office romance

Cappuccino - Holiday romance

Latte - Grumpy sunshine

Macchiato - Trapped together

Mocha - Enemies to lover(rivals)

White Mocha - Married

Frappe (tropes)

Java Chip - Forced Proximity

Hazelnut Mocha - Only One bed

Macchiato - Playboy in love

Dark Mocha - dating

Mint chocolate - hook up

"You can choose only 1 trope"

Extras

Whipped cream - Sweet sex

Shot of espresso - Rough sex

"You can choose only 1"

Milk

Almond milk - vaginal Sex

Soy milk - Oral sex

Coconut milk - Anal sex

Oat milk - Fingering

Whole milk - Hand job

Skim milk - Dry Humping

Non dairy milk - Mastrubation

Raw milk - Mutual Mastrubation

Goat milk - Penetrative sex

Hemp milk - squirting

"You can choose more than 1"

Breakfast/Appetizers

Eggs Benedict - Age play (Daddy/Mommy)

Avacado toast - Public sex

Omelette - Blind Fold

Waffles - Humiliation

Bruschetta - Edging

Spinach and artichoke Dip - Doggy style

Garlic shrimp - Lactation

Caprese skewers - Breeding kink

Meat balls - Body worship

Cheese sticks - Praise kink

French toast - Spanking

Spaghetti - Hand cuffs

Hot dog - Size kink

Mushroom Burger - Pain kink

Fish and Chips - Hickeys

"You can choose more than 1"

Main Course

Chicken Piccata - “Do I look like I’m messing around? Do I look like I won’t punish you?”

Vegetable Curry - “Move an inch and you won’t be coming tonight.”

Grilled salmon - “Fucking is a reward, but you haven’t been good.”

Beef tenderloin - “I won’t apologise for marking you up, everyone should know you’re taken.”

Beef stoganoff - “You can take it, you’ve done it before.”

Mushroom Risotto - “We’re really going to fuck here? What if someone sees us?”

Chicken Parmesan - “I’m going to fucking ruin you.”

Baked Crab cheese - “You look so good with my hands around your neck.”

Crispy squid - “Do you think, you deserve a reward/punishment?”

Cheese shrimp roll - “I don’t care if it takes all night, you will submit.”

Minced beef Mushroom - “Show me how much you missed me.”

Beef cheese rolling - “Enough, please, I can’t take anymore!”

Beef diced potatoes - “Do you need to use your safeword, darling?”

Butter fried chicken - “Slowly, baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

Sirloin steak - “Do you know what happens when you misbehave?”

Grilled Pizza - “Are you holding back? Don’t.”

Lasagna - “Oh, baby, you’re drooling everywhere.”

Habenaro BBQ shrimp - “It’s my thigh or nothing, I’m not helping you get off.”

Fish tacos - “You seem more sensitive than usual.”

Tomato roasted garlic pie - “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can make me feel like you do.”

Pork chops - “So good for me, look at how much you came.”

Potato gnocchi - “Shh, just look at me, baby.”

Chicken nachos - “God, you love it like this, don’t you?”

Honey garlic chicken - “You know I’m holding back from fucking you over this kitchen counter, don’t push your luck.”

Lemon chicken pasta - “Do you wonder what it is that makes me scream?”

BBQ chicken salad - “Why are you being so gentle with me? I like it when you’re rough.”

Ham carbonara - “It’s hot when you talk back”

Mini meat loafs - “You’re still horny? Didn’t I fuck you hard enough last night?”

"You can choose more than 1"

Water

Sparkling water - after care

Mineral water - cuddles

Bottled water - soaking in bathtub

Club soda - pillow talk

[tubbytarchia]

I love to imagine how shocked and surprised the ranchers and Pearl would be when they both realize that the ranchers don’t fear Pearl and that Pearl isn’t ridiculing the ranchers for even a second

Like they’d be flabbergasted

“Wait your not scared of me??”

“Wait your not gonna make fun of us???”

Just imagine them standing together like that one Spider-Man point meme

Sorry this answer is about to go on a bit of a general ranchers/pearl thought spree but YEAH this, lmao. They have more in common than they'd think!! Alas fate was cruel and it feels like two ships that were so close to meeting but just barely missed each other in the night, sailing right past

Jimmy at least has Tango to not be alone in his ridicule but even with their heads put together they wouldn't have enough brain capacity to care about what others are saying about Pearl. And well, there WAS session 3 when Jimmy shooed Pearl away because of. powdered snow?????? And because she was holding a sculk sensor?? Honestly I don't think Jimmy even at that point cared much about her being labelled as crazy, or didn't perceive it as anything significant, because it never came up unless I'm mistaken? Not once did the ranchers mention that? Jimmy did still break my heart in that moment but I don't think he realized the gravity of what he was doing. I think he was leaning into that more jokingly than anything but also... maybe Scott's presence at that very moment influenced him (cough because flower husbands past cough)

Tango most certainly wouldn't care about what Scott was spreading about Pearl. Scott could come and tell it to his face and he'd be like "uhuh yup!" and then forget immediately because he's Tango (not because he's stupid, he just doesn't think about things he doesn't consider important in relation to him). And Jimmy I think might care more if he weren't in like a happy ranch marriage with Tango and stuff. They'd be aware but not know how deep others' perception of Pearl went, nor would they care unless Pearl wronged them in any significant way

Jimmy wasn't surprised by Pearl's kindness to them in getting the goat horns, probably mostly because he was racking his brain too hard over Minecraft mechanics and being too overjoyed when they did get said horns, but probably also because he expected it to be a one-off thing? But I'd like to think that when Pearl returned to apologize after making a fool of him by stealing Oreo (the horse) with Martyn, and Jimmy kept asking "Are you serious?" when Pearl offered to give the horse back for nothing in exchange this time, that that was when he was really taken aback. Pearl once again showed some form of kindness, even as she was being shunned by everyone (moreso now than in session 2) and as she started to lean into the label of "crazy" that she was given because what else was she to do, all alone? Even then she ran back to Jimmy to apologize and give the horse back. And Jimmy, sweet child, offers friendship at last. But then he got ahead of himself when Pearl asked for confirmation and he went "You know you'd be an even better friend if you gave my horn back too!" and Pearl had to admit she'd already given it to Martyn, after which they kind of just separated without saying much. Clearly Jimmy was disappointed but mm he didn't even proclaim that Pearl wasn't welcome anymore or anything... It was certainly implied through his silence but knowing Jimmy, he would have gotten defensive and made his stance clear, but he didn't, which was either because he didn't want to, because maybe he still wanted to entertain the idea of Pearl making it up to him, OR he was just that fucking sad. He just said "right" and left as Pearl laughed (also I refuse to believe there was malice there in her laugh. What else was she gonna do in response) Either way oh my god I hate it I'm so sad

Anyway so. Their interactions past session 2 were mostly unfortunate but to me it's just... SUCH CRUEL FATE because YOU'RE RIGHT ANON. I really think they could have made it work but because Pearl was in the position that she was in, she didn't consider the idea of ever allying with anyone seriously enough and when she would have, with the ranchers, she'd already felt like she missed her chance. I'd like to imagine her laugh then, when Jimmy left her at the gate of the ranch was that of realization that maybe this friendship really could have happened, but she messed it up. And I'd like to think the ranchers would have still ultimately welcomed her into an alliance, had Pearl not given up trying, because she probably thought that if the ranchers hadn't thought badly of her yet, they must have now. Because no one wanted her, why would the ranchers be an exception? I'm gonna stop my unrefined elongated rant before I completely lose myself um hi hello I'm sorry that I got emotional in response to an anon ask describing the spiderman meme LMAO I'm a bit ill

[toniko]

side stories spoilers

there was only a little bit of LHH in these new chapters? I mean more of him next chapter but I miss him so bad…

oh but seriously hyunwoo is so gilyoung coded it’s crazy, the image of them lying side by side… LHH’s sentiment about them looking like brothers is such a sweet sentiment

otherwise i feel it’s finally time to settle my opinions on the readers

1: Lee Hakhyun (my serious favorite chara of all orv)

He refuses to let ANY reader die, it really reminds me of that Dokja selfishness for his companions but it somehow expresses so much kinder out of LHH idk, i just be saying shit now

thank goodness that he’s slightly better emotionally regulated, i love how everyone loves him as well n he so loves them back (especially that 41!YJH guy…) (damn this kind of rehashes my reasons for loving Dokja but that guy is severely more emotionally constipated so i like LHH better)

he feels like such a reliable guy, he really makes sure everyone will be okay n it truly feels like orvss will have a good ending bc he’s there to see it through

yk that feeling of pride u get when Kim Dokja gets hyped up on ORV, yeah i get that for LHH so hard he’s like my guy ever if i were a constellation, half my savings would be gone bc im busy gassing up LHH. he’ll do anything n ill be like “damn RIGHT he did, my goat”

2: Cha Yerin

theater dungeon cube room convo my beloved, literally a top 5 scene for me and all they did was talk

seriously tied w her brother but i think i like her slightly more because she’s the first reader 🥺 i mean LHH’s biggest number one fan literaturegirl64, likes his original works more.

the story of her n her brother is such a, idk gets my heart… orphanage, siblings? she’s blind and her brother has info dumped orv in audio over 6 complete times to her? amazing (this one of applies to why i like both characters, duh)

also just one of the most skilled fighters, ik orv women go crazy but orvss has so many new top tier female fighters, rlly said “no constellation” just a martial arts goat, she n her bro stood out immediately as the badass readers. her design makes me rlly happy too, i keep thinking abt it please make her real blackbox or webtoon ( in aprox. 6 years…)

the 1 on 1 convos she has w LHH are always so special to me, more than ever LHH is an author to her and she is his reader

she’s living my dream btw (got to read LHH’s old novels)

3: KillerKing (Cha Sunwoo???)

i think maybe, if LHH didn’t STILL call you KillerKing (regardless it’s what you go by damn) then I’d remember ur real name

idk I genuinely have to revisit the chapters to check again bc no one is updating any wikis… no should i do it? anyway

he is easily the funniest new character of the side stories bar none, god damn YJH kinnie, chuuni ass

recent recycling center arc (the animal masks one) sold me so hard on him, how can he consistently be like “no, go on without me!” flips black coat n still be cool… coolest lamest guy ever

jophiel is also such a cool constellation sponsor, some of the other readers have yet to have constellations so im excited to see what they end up with

his idea of surviving also being not to be like kim dokja but to do what you’re good at? it’s so good, makes so much damn sense. amazing.

the duo video game skill is awesome, I just can’t believe YJH beats the really cool co-op siblings bc he’s a fucking pro gamer, like get a JOB

4: Ye Hyunwoo

is that right? you want to be kim dokja but you can’t. this mf sets off 20 red flags every damn chapter but there’s that sense that he will always remain an ally cause he’s a smart kid and very self-aware so it’s also tragic in that sense

oddly enough he feels like an outsider to the group but he’s around really often n i think he really sets that distance himself

i think he’s really gotta embrace that he’s okay with being taken care of and hiding behind someone but is also capable himself. gong pildu literally your dad little man. I think we’re really at the trickling last bits of his general character arc

5: Lee Dansu (Noh Kyunghwan) (made me cry like 20 times)

favorite dilf in the apocalypse. im joking. maybe

inevitable insane tragedy of staying alive beyond his family

his entire like arc got me bawling my eyes out ong i just wish for him to be happy, kindly middle aged man who only read orv to understand his daughter? like what if i end it all omg it’s so… 😭😭😭

my wish is for him and hyunwoo to talk deadass. they should mourn together. hyunwoo knows what happened to his daughter and they both share a really close connection w her

there’s a real time to shoe him in these chapters bc that’s his daughter’s best friend n then his constellation came down too? deadass

6: Kyung Sein (does this count as trans girl)

she’s goofy silly cute… him? i mean it’s the only time we’ve seen a different gendered reader to character deadass did they run out of incarnation bodies for transmigration?

but anyway, i think it’s fun that she just stans heewon so hard she worked out n then is like bros with hyunsung. 41!YJH legitimately values her and the rest of the companions in combat. this round is so interesting bc like there’s the usual incarnations + the readers who got crazy good powerful so the balance is wrecked

honestly she and Lee Dansu were like, the first companions so there’s a sense of fondness that just comes from knowing them for so long

7: Ji Enyu

victim of less screen time bc she’s being badass on her own, seriously. initially she’s all like “haha what if we get put in the orv world there’s no way I’d survive” n she’s surviving the hardest, the balls on this woman. i think my jaw drops everytime she appears bc she’s got new awesome abilities n powers n connections. don’t even need that YJH carry

+ Yoo Sangah constellation, + LHH’s equivalent of Yoo Sangah, + the editor of ORV (its editor…. 🥹)

she and LHH literally got that best friend feel on, just looking at each other n understanding each other

also possessing King of Beauty is unironically crazy, but so so funny. someone who found her own way but still remains a reliable ally all the way through

seems to be getting more screen time this arc PLEASE more of her

that’s the companion readers i deadass can not write anymore in this tumblr post i mean i can. oh wow the readers are so fucking awesome man…

[doomedandstoned]

MR. BUNGLE MELVINS  ☆ SPOTLIGHTS ★ The Showbox, Seattle

  Photo Review by Chris Schanz

One might ask what would bring me out of retirement? Was I retired? What the hell have I been doing for the past three years? All things Doomed and Stoned have been in flux for me. I’ve been focusing on my day job. I’ve been focusing on my family. I’ve been focusing on my garden. All this focusing has left me nearsighted. Blurry. The COVID era left me with a shitty hangover (not long COVID – I’m just trying to forget that shit and move on!). Sure – I’ve shot shows, band portraits, weddings, funerals yadda yadda fucking yadda. I wanted a sign that the universe is ready for my gifts, once again.

Enter Mr. Bungle and The Melvins. The Geek Show Tour, sponsored by Ipecac Records celebrates both the vast accomplishments of Mike Patton (Faith No More, Fantomas, Mr. Bungle) and The Melvins – on their 40th anniversary! The perfect lure to get me off my ass and feel like I actually can contribute something to music, art and photography in general without licking the taint of Instagram and an AI-generated algorithmic overlord soon set to devour us, Titans, Gods and all.

The Showbox at the Market is the perfect set. I feel at home there, usually right by the soundboard. So many shows seen there – Sonic Youth, Nudedragons (Soundgarden), Brothers Of the Sonic Cloth, Sleep, Uncle Acid, Bell Witch, Graveyard, Chelsea Wolfe, The Black Angels – on and on, and on and on. It’s by far Seattle’s best concert hall, IMHO.

SPOTLIGHTS

I admit. I wasn’t prepared for Spotlights. A buddy of mine in Denver by way of San Francisco said they’re sweetly DOOMY. I was in. I got three songs to fall in love. Head over heels! Words escape my brain, only memories of sweet, subsonic joy flowing through my chest and brain. I followed up with Sarah Quintenero after the show at the merch booth, loading up on their vinyl. I’m blasting “Tidals” on vinyl while writing this in my cave, but “Alchemy for the Dead” is a MASTERPIECE! I’ve been binging on their Bandcamp all week now. Bold, deep bass fuzz, ethereal vocals and serrated guitar riffs. My new summer soundtrack.

They’re still on tour – and I highly advise you to see them now!

Alchemy For The Dead by Spotlights

Spotlights Setlist

"The Alchemist" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"Sunset Burial" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"Algorithmic" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"False Gods" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"Part 4" (2020’s We Are All Atomic)

MELVINS

This brings me back to the Melvins. The force that shaped my twenties in Seattle. My band Fuzzbud had a six-degrees-of-Kevin Bacon thing with a Morton, WA / Monteseno, WA, somebody’s cousin played in a band that opened for…whatevs. We tuned to DUH flat and had a good time. BUT…The Melvins were always a mainstay in any of my playlists.

King Buzzo did NOT disappoint! I was singing along from the photo pit. I was kidding beforehand that there should be some sort of SNL skit – a play by play commentary of the photo pit action. Think Howard Cosell announcing each of the photogs falling over each other for the shots. I thought it was funny, anyways. I’m a dork.

ANYWHOO. Buzzo provides! Dale’s a GOD. I got my HEALTHY fix of Houdini, culminating in a THREE BASS OVERLOAD on Night Goat with Sara Qintenero from Spotlights and Trevor Dunn from Mr. Bungle joining Steve McDonald to rumble your bunghole. What did I miss by NOT seeing the tour finale in San Francisco? A reunion of Fantomas (Mike, Buzz and Dave Lombardo)! When these guys get together, (black) magic always happens!

The Bride Screamed Murder by Melvins

Melvins Setlist

"I Can’t Shake It" (1998 split with Cosmic Psychos, Some Girls/I Can’t Shake It)

"Zodiac" (1990’s Bullhead)

"Copache" (1993’s Houdini)

"I Want to Hold Your Hand" (2018’s Pinkus Abortion Technician - Beatles Cover)

"Hammering" (2022’s Bad Mood Rising)

"Never Say You’re Sorry" (2022’s Bad Mood Rising)

"Evil New War God" (2010’s The Bride Screamed Murder)

"Let It All Be" (1999’s The Bootlicker)

"Honey Bucket" (1993’s Houdini)

"Revolve" (1994’s Stoner Witch)

"Night Goat" (1993’s Houdini - with Steve McDonald, Spotlights Sarah Quintero and Mr. Bungle bass Trevor Dunn on basses)

MR. BUNGLE

The main event. I knew they led with the Mr. Rogers theme on most nights. ADORABLE! But to my surprise, and delight! They performed the John Sebastian theme to “Welcome Back Kotter”! FUCK YES. I’m a Sweathog and everyone knows it! We would also be treated to the Pepto Bismol jingle not too far into the set.

I was wanting, wishing for a few more songs from 1991’s Mr. Bungle release, primarily some “Squeeze Me Macaroni” and “Stubb-A-Dub” action. Stubb was my go-to track in our house in college. After many a trip, I believed I was the proverbial “family dog” to our tribe…just elated to be along for the ride scrambling from party to party. Luckily for me, I got some “My Ass Is On Fire” and I was satiated. “Speak Spanish Or Die” brought me right back to my thrash and skating days (Days. Rolled my ankle on the half-pipe and drove the crew to all the spots after that). Van Halen’s Loss of Control? A TOTAL surprise and I was elated! Ear to ear grins and giggles!

I came for the Melvins, Mike Patton and Dave Lombardo, but I left with a deep adoration for Spotlights and a 365-day calendar of “The Many O-Faces of Scott Ian” and that’s more than OK. I’m in love. Thank you, Scott, for fulfilling this schoolboy’s adolescent dreams, 30 years later!

The Night They Came Home by Mr. Bungle

Mr. Bungle Setlist

"Welcome Back" (John Sebastian cover)

"Bungle Grind"

"Eracist"

"Spreading the Thighs of Death"

"Loss for Words" (Corrosion of Conformity cover)

"Hypocrites"

"Speak English or Die" (Stormtroopers of Death cover) (changed to "Speak Spanish or Die")

"Glutton for Punishment"

"Anarchy Up Your Anus"

"Methematics"

"Hell Awaits" (Slayer cover) (intro)

"True/Cold War/True"

"Raping Your Mind"

"World Up My Ass" (Circle Jerks cover) (with Michael Crain)

"Sudden Death"

Encore: "Loss of Control" (Van Halen cover)

Encore: "My Ass Is on Fire" (with PEP tag)

[virtualdimensionsss]

ok im dropping my live reaction (its long and im sorry)

veeeeery spoilery so be warned

OMGGGGGGGGGG SO EXCITREDDDDDDD

been waiting for like??????? 3 years??????????????????/

THE RIPTIDE MUSIC
THEY DID IT THEY DID THE LINE

HE SOUNDS SM LIKE PERCY

WHY IS BABY PERCY SO CUTE LIKE WHAT

they play mythomagic??????????????? I CANT

icb i was like. at the met. he was there. I WAS SITTING ON THE SAME STEPS

the framing is so good???????????? like the shots? WHAT

sally medusa apologist. yes

gives him the pen so early????

“that doesn’t sound right” BESTIE ILY

oooooooo they changed the mrs dodds part but its still COOL

percy jackson and the gaslight gatekeeper girlboss

WOW betrayal grover

HIS FRECKLES A BABY

this tiny baby is gna have to walk through tartarus help

EW SMELLY GABE

wait he’s so much less bad than i expected

sally olivia stan??????????????

SHES SUCH A SLAY

YES GET IT SALLY TELLING GABE OFF???????????

she’s sm more like confrontational in this i love it

ooooooo ok sm changes but like its good???????? if not it wld be boring i feel but now there’s like. SUSPENSE

“you fell in love with god?? like…… jesus??????” PERCY I LOVE YOU

100% he thought sally was the next virgin mary for a hot second

also its really sweet that sallys the one who told him like its sm more special that way

grover why is there half a goat in your pants??? so uhhhhh the important thing is not to panic…

YOU DROOL WHEN YOU SLEEP??????????? FIRST ANNABETH SIGHTING LETS GO

PIMENTO IS THE PERFECT CASTING. IMPECCABLE

“….son.” IM DYING BITCH U DIDNT

chb actually looks exactly like how i imagined

not the cabin part cos there’s like. alot of trees more than i expected but its a slay

LUKE?????? MY MAN????????? HES SO DOESNT LOOK LIKE LUKE BUT THE VIBES???????

the slightly unhinged undertone……… u can tell he’s gna fuck some shit up soon

also i thought the tree woman was juniper for a hot second and got worried

but also i thought the dryads were meant to be like. normal girls js with green blood. what is this bark creature

i miss the pinochle scene but its still. good

ahhhhhhhhhhh i cannot wait for annabethhhh

SHES SO GOOD were u stalking me? uh yeah

luke: yeah percy’s got this percy: heehee leezard

annabeth: sorry *shoves him into the water*

THEY DIDNT DO THE ALL HAIL

im sally jackson’s son YES PERCY ILY

the credits are sooooooooo pretty

[msfbgraves]

Daniel comes off as totally irresistible in your MobAU. I bet Terry was all “That little Italian Omega means nothing to me, I can get over this.” And then he fails to, spectacularly. Oops. Anyway, just how desperate was Terry to have his wedding night, lol? 

Desperate enough! In fact:

“You're being honeytrapped, you know that.” John crosses his arms, face set in a signature scowl.

He looks at him. “Do you have anything new to say?”

“It bears repeating.” He lifts his chin. “Terry, they're stalling. Only people who do that are weak. Do you want them to regroup first?”

“We can take 'em, John, but can we hold them?”

“The feck you take me for? Of course!”

He smiles. “Johnny. I don't have time to play dictator. I, we, we need to expand, and if I have to waste my people babysitting some resentful Italians, that's not ever gonna work. There's the Russians, Chinese, Arabs and they're hungry.”

John sniffs. “We could take Russians, or Chinese or half of feckin England if we stick to our ground.”

“Sure, and then, when we're depleted, some damned cartel boss is going to swoop in. Let them do that to the other ones first.”

John leans on his hand fixes him. “If this is about the Prima Donna -”

“It's a boy, John.”

“It's a goat for all I care. It's trouble, you eejit. How often have you seen him, once?” He scoffs. “Jesus, Terry. They're throwing kitties at you as we speak.”

He sighs. “Trying to buy their way in, they don't offer anything.”

“Oh, and he does?”

Christ, that smell. The ripeness of him. Health, too. He'd not lacked for anything. But those eyes were quick. The fire in them. And those lips...

John shakes his head. “Jesus, it's like fucking Troy.” He stands up. “You're getting killed tonight, you eejit, so I'm putting everyone on high alert. Again.”

Terry grins. “All I ask.”

“I will squeeze your Mandy for a payout, so,” John says. “That English bitch of hers can pay for the service.”

“I have no doubt,” Terry says. “You'll be King of the block, Johnny.”

But never more, and that is what he needs to find a way to prevent.

And this way is looking ever more appealing.

***

Sweet Mother of God, is he gorgeous.

And even more pissed off than last time.

“It's good to see you” gets him an: “Is it? Why?”

He touches his arm. “Come now, don't fish for compliments.” He leans over, whispers in his ear: “You know you're beautiful.”

The boy freezes for half a second. “And that's the most important thing?”

“It's all I know as yet.” He straightens up. “I was hoping we could change that.”

He blushes, look away, seemingly not a day older than fourteen. “And what if I don't want that?”

“Then you might miss out on some fun.” He winks at him. “C'mon. What do you have to lose?”

In fact, nobody can stay snippy on the subject of fun for very long, Terry knows that from experience, and soon enough they're knee deep into a discussion of Pop vs Swing. The boy is really into guitar, keeps talking about some fella called Reinhardt. It's refreshing, after all the Benny Goodman talk. But then he leans over, whispers in a conspiratorial tone: “But who I really like is Robert Johnson.”

Terry nearly spits out his wine. “Johnson?” he says, trying not to laugh. “Sweetheart. What do you have to be blue about?”

The hurt that flashes over his face makes Terry wants to kick himself. “I don't know,” the boy says, pulling back. “People not taking you seriously?”

“Daniele,” his mother interjects suddenly. “All this music talk – why don't you play us something?”

He frowns. “Ah, no, Ma...”

“Yes,” the Don says. “What a good idea. Daniele, get your instrument.”

There's a murmur of assent. And of course Terry wants to hear it, but he hates how the boy ducks together. “Why don't we all play something?” he says, looking at the rather grand piano in the adjacent room.

“My son is very good,” the Don says. “In fact, I'd say he sometimes even plays too much.”

Bastard. The utter bastard. Why put him on the spot like that? “Really, it'd be my pleasure,” Terry says, but the Don has fixed his son again. “Now, please, Daniele.”

Poor sweetheart, but there's little to be done. They all file into the other room as he slinks away to get a guitar.

But oh, baby knows his instrument. He can see the look of concentration that only comes from genuine enjoyment. Turn inside, Terry wants to whisper to him. Where it's you and the notes. Nothing else.

And when he seems poised to do just that:

“Mozart,” the Don says.

His head shoots up. “What?”

“It's all I've heard you play for days,” the Don says. “Mozart.”

“I'm not done with that one yet,” he says, turning pale. He looks to the room. “It's not written for guitar, I was transcribing it, please...”

The Don gives a thin smile. “Mozart.”

“Come on, Daniel!” that's the eldest. “We've all heard it!”

And now Terry can't help himself. “Do you mind?”

The boy seems to make a decision, by all accounts to get it the hell over with. He sits down, breathes in, and starts.

Oh, sweetheart. Sweetheart. It's Alla Turca, and those quick sixteenths are hard enough as it is on piano. (He should know, with old Dougal Andrews always urging him to play 'real music' until he finally relented and taught him this one, free of charge.) But those runs need supporting chords, and that's murderously difficult on solo guitar, so you're constantly stuck making compromises. It's not impossible, but it's hardly intuitive, and he sees the boy's brow furrow in pained concentration.

And then he stops.

Of course. Terry doesn't wait but walks over, opens the piano and continues the piece, hoping he's found the right key – by all accounts, he has – and nods at Daniel. The boy understands, plays the repetition as intended, but at least, with Terry on chords, he has his hands free to focus on the melody.

He sees him breathe out, relax.

Good boy.

He's even joking around with the tempi a little bit, little showoff, and draws out the end chord ridiculously long, until Terry sees the Don pull a face.

Serves him right.

“Thanks,” he mumbles and moves to put away his guitar, determinedly avoiding eye contact.

Well, he'll have to make him listen, then, won't he?

Terry puts his fingers back on the keys, can't help picturing what he'd like to do if those fingers were caressing someone's skin. And yet, he can't but well up a little; the last person he'd played this for was Mandy.

Oh, Danny Boy...

Not something often played in a room full of Italians, and he sees the uncle give him a hard look in the minute pause between phrases.

He plays all four verses, improvising as he goes. Then he closes the piano, looks back at the omega.

The boy gives him a half smile.

“I thought they played this at funerals?”

For one second, Terry's stunned.

This brat. Feckin Hell!

The Don nods at him. “Thank you, Daniele. Mr. Silver. Care to join me for a cigar?”

He looks back at the boy, who's had the decency to turn bright red.

Just you wait, little one.

Back in the Don's room, he smokes the cigar standing up. “I'm not going to spoil him.”

The Don's smile is thin lipped. “That's what I said to my wife.”

Terry grins. “I can't make out if he's brave or stupid at times.”

The Don lifts his chin. “He is very young.” He stands from behind the desk. “Do we have a deal?”

Terry straightens up as well. “I would never let him go,” he says. “Not for the whole world.”

“Don't worry,” the Don says. “I won't.” He nods. “I'll have my attorney send you the details. My wife Lucille will be in charge of the arrangements.” He walks past him, opens the door.

“Good night, son.”

[satosuguhastakenovermylife]

MWAH NAMI RIGHT BACK AT YA YOU HAVE YAPPED WITH ME ABOUT THE MOST RANDOM SHIT LIKE YOUR REACTIONS WATCHING HAIKYUU, AND FOR HYPING ME UP IN ALL THE THINGS I DO, FOR MAKING ME THE GLAMMEST SCIENTIST AND SO MUCH MORE!!! AND IM SO GRATEFUL AND GLAD THAT WE'RE CLOSE💕💕

OKAY SO BESIDES NAMI

@starry-toya - you listen to my bullshit all day long every single day idk how you do it but you do and that's fucking rad and I love talking to you and words can't describe how much I love you so this isn't that long because I think you know and I think I know already too and i hope we're together forever <3

@pepe-le-pax - the og bestie, you've listened to all my stupid ass existential crises and you've been there for me always for the past seven years and for that i cannot be more grateful. we've gotten a bit distant lately but i hope that phase doesn't last. love youu

@chronicinsanity - second person who deals with all my bullshit and stupidity, you're the funniest and my best friend. i dunno how I'll make it through bus rides without yapping to eachother because the only reason a lot of my days aren't completely shitty is because I get to talk to you at the start and end of every day at school. i love you so muchhh and I'm very surprised that I'm your best friend too because you are mine and I will miss you A LOT (sorry I'm just very sad about you leaving if you haven't realised lmao)

@getosugurusbangs - ELIIII YOU LITERALLY OOZE COOLNESS EVERYDAY AND I WAS SO NERVOUS TO TALK TO YOU AT THE START BUT YOURE SO NICE!! AND SO COOL!!! AND GREAT TO TALK TO AND I HOPE WE GET TO DO SO FOR A LONG TIME!! I LOVED THE BL RECS BTW AND THANKS FOR CHEERING ME UP AND CHECKING IN ON ME WHEN IM WAY OVER MY HEAD ILYSM <333 (penis bros 4lyf)

@riririnnnn - MY PARTNER!!!! YOU'RE SO COOL AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOUUUU WE ARE PARTNER FOREVAHHH AND LETS COPARENT OUR CHILD ONCE ISAGI GIVES BIRTH 💥💥💥 (on a more serious note, you were there to talk me down when i almost did something terrible to myself and I am so so glad you were genuinely you are a great friend and I love you lots)

@jujutsustraycats - BIG BRO ISH!!!! THANKS FOR ALL THE STUDY ADVICE AND FOR ALWAYS MOTIVATING ME TO DO BETTER <3 AND ALSO FOR BEING THE #1 COSMIYA ENABLER YOU ARE CHERISHED FOR THAT AND IK YOU'RE BUSY AND WE DONT GET TO TALK AS MUCH SOMETIMES BUT I LOVE TALKING TO YOUU!!! AND ILY AND I HOPE YOU'RE WELL LET'S YAP ABOUT A BUNCH OF SHIT WHEN YOURE FREE!!!!

@sharkissm - MAKIIIIII ILYSMMMM YOU'RE SO SWEET AND I LOVE TALKING TO YOU ON HERE AND ON DISCORD!!!! also you're the only one I can say the most out of pocket shit with and it's really fun!!!! i love you and let's talk a bunch of shit forever 💕

@blue-thief - you have the most GOATED takes ever literally i don't make the rules it's true. thanks for being the first person to tell me about whatever the fuck is going on in CSM and yapping with me about alnst 🫡 also thanks for helping me with julius caesar, your notes and essay was a fucking god send. ily and happy new year :3

@biggestcharleskinnie - CHARLIEEEE I LOVE YOUUUUUUU YOU'RE SO FUN TO TALK TO AND IK WE INTERACTED MORE ONLY RECENTLY BUT THAT ALONE HAS BROUGHT ME SO MUCH JOY!!!!! ILYSM BUT PLEASE END THE PEACHES WAR djfjdjdjf

@shrii-kk - SHRIIII IM SO HAPPY WHENEVER I GET TO TALK TO YOU!! YOU'RE SO PRETTY AND YOUR LOVE FOR ISAGI YOICHI TRANSCENDS PHYSICALITY JJJFJDDKWK i met you only a couple weeks back, but getting to chat with you on discord about various different shit has really gotten me through this month haha. i love you and I hope you're alright <3

@somepoetwannabe - HI SAM ILYSM!!! talking to all of yall has genuinely been great this year, and I'm so glad I met y'all through pranu on hex. i know some of y'all, i don't know a lot of y'all but I love you guys <3 WIL WHENEVER YOU FRONT NEXT LETS TALK ABOUT HOUSE MD PRETTY PLEASEE, love i love talking to you about music and just the little things :3 thalia you're so cool and i had a lot of fun talking to you too, and lastly bill you were the first one I met, and you're really nice and i wanna say thanks for trying to get me into tma, it seems genuinely so interesting but I fall asleep everytime I try listen to it because it's soothing sjdjdjfj AND I'VE ALSO TALKED TO A BUNCH OF YALL AND ITS BEEN GREAT BUT IM AFRAID IT'LL GET TOO LONG IF I GO ON HAHA

@hijinks-n-lowjinks - jinx!! i love talking to you about fandom stuff and it's really fun. you were one of my first mutuals on here lol and I got comfortable interacting with people on here because of the times I talked to you so thanks a lot <3

okay I'm ending the post here but every single mutual I've interacted on Tumblr is included here, i would've yapped more but I think this is already too long jsjsjdj anyways yeah :D

I love talking nonsense with you and I hope that we can talk nonsense with each other for the rest of our lives.

[sol-consort]

WAAHHH SOL ALSO AN INFINITY NIKKI PLAYYERR HAIAIIIII HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE NEW BANNER bc I oove the ability but it is NOT in my budget to get a five star rn fml, even if the 4* dress is also rlly pretty

The new four free outfits are ADORABLE though

not having the budget for another 5* is way too real. The current 5* banners beat me up into a pulp on the sidewalk pavement.

I'm excited for the new free outfits too! Especially the jeans and casual wear oh my god we need more of them if I want my infinity nikki cosplays to be accurate.

Idk about the new 5*star outfit like..

It's very beautiful and intricate, but that's really all. The bare minimum. A lot of 5* dresses are very beautiful and intricate. It's a double-edged sword tho, these pieces seem to complete each other, fitting like a puzzle piece, so missing a single one might throw the whole outfit off, and they won't be versatile enough to use in other outfits.

The niche gimmick of this one is the whole spinning doll atop the music box theme, and for the select few who are into that and ballet, it must pierce like a cupid arrow through the heart.

For me, I'm camp knight Nikki, I will always dripple at the sight of a good shiny suit of armour. My itch has been scratched by the recent 4* midnight vigil. But that's more of a decorative british royal palace guard than an actual Knight going to battle—those shorts scream european. So my appetite is still not sated. (let me tell you I wanted to strangle Giroda and Marques when THEY got the knight outfit and sword whilst Nikki is stuck with this kingdom hearts ass looking toysword)

But by Thor's balls... Momo's new outfit is fucking goated.

I want it so bad, I want to put a silly little clown nose on his stupid little nose. But I can't, I must resist. It takes 100+ pulls for the momo fit alone.

I like the hair tho, if I'm gonna throw 50 pulls this banner's way for the makeup kit, it will 100% go towards the hair. So rare to see nice curly hair in dress up games, even if the whole fit is giving Mary had a little lamb.

But that can quickly turn into a slippery slope of "oh, I already used 50 pulls. What's 50 pulls more for the momo cloak?"

Maybe I'll just do 10, or more preferably: zero pulls. I hope it's Sweet attribute so I can skip it with a sound mind. If it's Cool attribute, I'm fucked. That's the only one I'm missing. (The crane fit was FUGLY can you blame me)

Thankfully, the new 4* coming with the banner is meh—I mean they are beautiful, but again, that's the bare minimum—The boa is nice looking, but I already have the superior one from the first set of 4* banners. The hair is gorgeous tbh.

So many gowns, and no balls, not even a single ball to be found.

One thing I'm slightly annoyed by is how cool of a purification outfit the new 5* is. It seems really useful, too, with the animal tranquiliser side effects that put them to sleep so they don't run away. Yes, I did pick crystal poems as my first standard banner outfit, how did you guess? Yes, I'm salty over being meta drafted so soon. Either way, it was bound to happen eventually.

But seriously I went all out on the current 5* banners, better just to save. As much as I love the dresses and aesthetics, I'm lowkey a bit of a metaslave. The fireworks outfit had a higher elegance score than the free Miracle outfit so I caved in.

I can't wait until they update the interactive map with the chests. I already got most of the dews of inspiration. Finished the second miracle outfit. Evolved and glowed up full 5* star outfits for all the main attributes (except cool obvi) and fullstaring mirror crown is now easy peasy lemon squeezy. My current goal is to craft all their makeup + momo clacks. Afterwards, I aim to fully unlock all of the heart of infinity nodes.

I'm playing kingdom come deliverance on the side btw, really hilarious switching between these two protagonists with contrasting fashion.

NPCs keep telling me off for dressing "inappropriately" in the streets and ngl i genuinely don't know what's wrong with the way I'm dressing. That's all I can afford. I know I'm missing a tunic and basically walking around in the underarmour padding to what medieval people consider underwear BUT IF I HAD THE MONEY I WOULDN'T BE. The cheapest tunic is 2k and I have 150 gold pieces to my name. 50 of which are stolen. Also i.cant read im a peasent boy that can't read pls help. Nikki come visit me in Rattay please give me some outfits, I'll wear a ballgown dress, actually put Hans in a ballgown outfit too.

[marknee]

bts fanfics i personally think shakespeare would lose his job over in the 1500’s.

chapter i. ✷ chapter ii.

KEYS ON SEVERITY OF SHAKESPEARE’S STATE:

( ✮ ) — poor sod is on the floor. perhaps it’s shock?

( ♬ ) — he’s jealous he didn’t write this himself. well, it sucks to suck, mate.

( ✎ ) — currently handing him a tissue. give him a second.

( ♛ ) — both him and i lost our jobs. her majesty is ruthless.

THE SHAKESPEARE SERIES.

WARNING: keep in mind, some of these authors are very strict on the rule that no minors should read their work if they’re underage, and i will honour that. but, at the end of the day, i am not your parent. so, there’s that. but heed my warning wisely. any smut or 18+ content is highlighted in bold.

NOTE: without further ado, this are the fanfics that i think would cause shakespeare to lose his job: the first of many essays. let’s bring the guy to his knees. metaphorically.

⠀

⠀

( ♛ ) THE BODYGUARD — by @rmnamjoons

!! bodyguard!namjoon x reader | 62.9k !!

bodyguard au, romance, smut, fake dating, slight angst if you squint, lil bit of violence.

firstly, we’re starting off strong. i present to you, the mother of all namjoon fanfics. and she’s a bad bitch. tbh, i feel like this fic needs a moment of silence just to relish in her glory. soak it all up. it’s essential.

this fic genuinely had me gobsmacked at how incredibly written it is. it delves into every detail and no aspect of the story is left dry. you can tell the author put their everything into creating this world you just submerge into. and it shows.

the world building is amazing, the characters are so thought out, and it feels like you’re just on this adventure with them and discovering their story as it plots out.

also, the build up to the smut? out of this world. that’s one thing i love about this fic: it doesn’t feel rushed. everything is very spaced out and takes it’s sweet time, so when you get to the chocolately nut of the ferrero rocher, it’s like gold and well earned. and you can enjoy it.

honestly, it’s been months since i read this and i think about it every day. i did do some research (for my own peace of mind) and this fic is longer than the perks of being a wallflower. and is it better? yes. sorry not sorry.

this work of art deserves to be read and loved. and i rest my case, your honour.

⠀

( ✎ ) UNTIL THE LAST STAR FALLS — by @minniepetals

!! underworld lords!bts x shield!reader | 44.4k !!

reincarnation!au, poly!au, gods!au, unrequited love, minor character death, car accidents.

quick question — for science — how does one happen to lose all their memories without any sustaining any internal or external injuries? because the things i would do to read this again for the first time. and i do not use those words lightly.

this was my first ever ‘longer’ written fic. and if i’m being honest, i never really liked to read them because i have the attention span of a goat. but this fic lures you in from the very start and time slips away like smoke. to say, it definitely left its mark on me.

it’s so brilliantly written and you feel connected to the characters both mind and soul. you want the best for them, you want to save them, you actually want to crawl into the pages (or screen) and fucking help them out. and that sold it to me, i think. just the sheer love for these characters.

i balled when i read the last few sentences. i didn’t want it to end. i think i finished it at three in the morning and sent a voice note of me crying to my friend. tmi? well, now on my christmas list is 7 hot boys in the underworld who would risk their everything for me. and i, them.

worth every single second. trust.

⠀

( ♬ ) WARM THIS WINTER — by @jamaisjoons

!! seokjin x reader ft. ex-boyfriend jungkook | 51.6k !!

christmas!au, vacation!au, angst, fluff, smut (18+).

one thing about solaris, is she never misses. if i could, i think i’d recommend every fanfic she ever put out, but that’s too much effort for me when you could simply click her masterlist. so, i’ll wait here for you to do that. make sure you come back though.

love. sure, there are hundreds- perhaps, thousands of fics on this app about it. so what makes this one different? well, that’s just it. the sorrowful honesty of love. knowing when it’s over, and when it’s blooming in the midst.

i’ve never been in love, but frankly, this fic really spelt it out for me. the pain, the joy, the lingering memories after everything is said and done. it’s all there. and it really settles in your heart as you near the end.

this work pulled on every single heartstring of mine, stamped on them, and then proceeded to sew anew for the future to bring its own miseries. and i enjoyed it more than i can say (or type).

give this a read if you need just that bit of spark in your life. and that bit of sadness, too.

⠀

( ✮ ) STRIKE A CHORD — by @snackhobi

!! yoongi x reader | 15.8k !!

smut (18+), pianist!yoongi.

i don’t know what it is about this fic, but i come back to it whenever it pops up in my mind during my day. i’ll immediately unlock my phone and open this app, knowing i’ll feel better when the last word is read. and i feel content.

the atmosphere in this fic, if i may, feels as though you’re trapped in a warm, safe bubble with hazed music in the distance and soft light spilling through the thin layer of the bubble— not too dark, but enough to make you feel drowsy and peaceful. perhaps that’s why i return to it so often. i like how it makes me feel.

yoongi as an artist is already enough to make a person swoon, but as a pianist? i need a lie down. a cold towel to the head. just the whole characterisation of him in this fic needs a whole separate essay in itself, but you’ll understand my point when you read it.

forever a comfort fic, i think. and forever a comfort person. double whammy. case closed.

⠀

( ✎ ) THE END — by @jimlingss

!! seokjin x reader | 31k !!

fifty percent fluff, fifty percent angst, loosely inspired by to all the boys i’ve loved before.

i say this with my whole chest: i have never underestimated the amount of emotions you can experience during a fanfic, until i read the end— both literally and metaphorically. shock horror.

this fanfic takes you through the adventure of the reader learning of what her future would commence if she were to marry either one of the six members. best part? she’s led through this rollercoaster journey by the ghost of kim seokjin.

first impression to such an offer? sign me the fuck up. i mean, what more could you ask for? however my final impression went a bit more on the lines of what the fuck just happened. very different ends of the spectrum, if you ask me.

i decided to hand both shakespeare and i a tissue after this great piece of art was finished because not only was i sobbing, he was on the floor knowing his romance play of pericles could never live up to such an incredible story.

this fic was a rollercoaster i would be delighted to get onto for another ride.

⠀

( ✎ ) A UNIVERSE TO YOU — by @readyplayerhobi

!! soulmate!hoseok x reader | 41k !!

fluff, angst, smut (18+), soulmates!au.

shakespeare once said (according to google), “it is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves,” and if this fic wasn’t a soulmate!au, i think i would’ve agreed in some sorts. but as it is, in fact, a soulmate!au, i’m obliged to disagree. it was destiny i read this fic, hand on heart.

i was not expecting this fic to hit me in the feels as hard as it did. as you can tell by the other works listed in this essay of recommendations, soulmate!au’s come up a lot. and with a lot of the same plots flying around on this app, it’s hard to make one stand out. but this author definitely has a gift.

everything was so richly created it made you feel full. of wonder, of love, and of want. it made you crave it for yourself. and that’s what i love about this fic. it just makes you feel… good. and with the unfortunates of life currently, it’s one to get your head stuck in for some temporary relief.

dream soulmate? he’s right here, people. just enjoy the story and all the feels that float around your body. go on.

⠀

( ✮ ) BUNNY — by @btssmutgalore

!! jungkook x fem!reader | 46.5k !!

non-idol!au, camboy!jk, friends to lovers, smut, angst.

let’s start here: never judge a book by its cover. a quote by george eliot going all the way back to the 19th century, and one i would use to describe this series as a whole, and my first impressions towards it.

this series, although unfinished (i think), has exceeded my expectations of a good smut outlined by a good plot. the best of both worlds, if you might. i came out of this series deeply in awe of the writing and the clear imagery the author manages to create within your own mind.

additionally, bunny was the beginning for me in learning about the world of camboys and camgirls(?), but i was greatly surprised. often, people are unkind to the new and stick to what they’re accustomed to, afraid of what the unknown might bring — me, included.

but, i’m glad i took the risk because i received three great things in return: a beautiful fanfic, knowledge of something that was foreign to me, and an author whose work i admire and shall be returning to in the future.

perhaps what i’m getting at is this could be a lesson to all. take a risk of something unknown because who knows? maybe something great will come out of it, and you’ll learn something. i did.

⠀

( ♬ ) SEOUL UNDERGROUND — by @hunniejimins (ao3)

!! namjoon x jungkook x f!reader | 300k !!

mafia!au, enemies to lovers, violence, slow burn, love triangles, mob boss!namjoon, smut, heavy angst.

it’s ironic really. i found this work by someone else’s recommendation, and now i’m passing on the favour and recommending it to you, dear reader. it’s funny how the world works.

this work is the perfect balance of fantasy and reality and i love it. you’re hit with the beauty and clouded haze of love before being smacked back into the world at the realisation the very person you’re in love with, is a mafia mob boss and his killer mate. a real fun-sponge, i tell ‘ya.

nevertheless, this book kept me up early morning and late evening reading. it keeps you hooked, wanting, and hungry for more.

it’s nothing less of a masterpiece.

⠀

( ✎ ) CREAM AND SUGA — by @snackhobi

!! yoongi x barista f!reader | 14.8k !!

coffee shop!au, barista!au, fluff, nfsw (18+).

@snackhobi is mentioned twice on this list. though, can you blame me? it’s just a good thing shakespeare and this author don’t exist in the same century. it would be absolute carnage but nobody is ready for that conversation.

this author has a talent of portraying yoongi in the most irresistible way possible. i swear, i fall in love with him all over again reading. i wish you understood.

the whole misunderstanding section made me laugh because haven’t we all been there? the crushing pain and overwhelming guilt of having a crush on someone you can’t have. it’s all too real, seriously. been there, done that (unfortunately).

especially having the holidays just past, this is a perfect fic for a warm evening in, while the coldness of winter storms past outside. such a cute fic. love, love, love!

⠀

( ♛ ) LOST AND FOUND — by @taleasnewastime

!! seokjin x reader | 21.2k !!

strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, sfw.

everyone says they have a fanfic that changed them, whether they’re being hyperbolic or brutally honest. and in my case, it’s a matter of both latter and former.

a couple months ago, i reached what i thought was rock bottom regarding my mental state and i took to my imagination to save me from the daily hell of my own mind. and this book was one i never really forgot about.

everything this author wrote within this fic was honest, heartfelt and very, very real. from the way you don’t just go up after going through something, but fall occasionally and sometimes feel as though you’re back at square one, to the way that there definitely is hope in the dark moments, and a light at the end of the tunnel. albeit a very faint one.

it comforted me in a way and reminded me of what i thought to be lost. fruitless, even. but sometimes, it’s books like these that open our eyes to things we’ve forgotten during times of turmoil: the simple goodness of life. and of people.

“if you’re going through hell, keep going.” winston churchill.

⠀

( ✮ ) CANDYLAND — by @honeymoonjin

!! seokjin x reader ft. elf!jk | 13k !!

thriller, angst, fantasy, husband!jin, some cursing.

my mother is the biggest thriller fan. not that you needed to know that, but she is. and she’s not ashamed of it either. she’ll let you know if she’s reading a really good thriller in the moment. trust me, you’ll know.

me? not so much. i’m more of a sappy, hopeless romance, happy ending kind-of-sod — if you haven’t already guessed from this list. but there’s a reason this fic is on the list, too.

this fic genuinely kept me on the edge of my seat- uh, bed. the secrets of what darkness lingered behind the happy exterior of this adventure trip gripped my eyes to the screen, and lord, was it worth it.

throw a bit of husband!seokjin in there too? what more could you want! and written by @honeymoonjin? what a win.

let’s just say after this fic i added a few other thrillers to my basket. and happily reported to my mum i was a changed woman. okay, i’m exaggerating, but you get my point. it was incredible.

⠀

( ✎ ) LILY LUCK — by @gguksgalaxy

!! yoongi x reader | 10.7k !!

soulmates!au, angst, fluff if u squint, very slight implicit sexual content, anxiety.

although this fic may be the shortest on the list, do not underestimate its power. it is still as mighty as the others— perhaps, even more so.

i think the main emotion i want to hone into concerning this fanfic is compassion. it sinks into your bones and surrounds your entire being like a unwanted hug. and you can’t even stop it.

the author does a good job of making you feel intense compassion for the reader — who so desperately wants to meet her soulmate. which makes the ending that much more satisfying.

this is for those who’re lonely, need a pick up, or those who’re hopeless romantics and believe in love belonging to fate, such as myself.

“expectation is the root of all heartache.” william shakespeare. talking of the devil, he would definitely cry over this fic. either of bubbling emotions, or the fact he didn’t write it himself. sucks really. for him, not for me.

© marknee, 2023. all rights reserved.

[lwh-writing]

I was just contemplating Fullmetal Alchemist (as one does), thinking about the absolute peak hilarity that is Ed, Al, and Havoc, the certified Country Boys(TM), teaming up to bully Mustang, the certified City Boy(TM), when I was struck with an epiphany.

Riza Hawkeye is the OG Country Girl.

Like....

Lived in the middle of nowhere with her father in a 1900ish setting. In THAT time period and THAT location, she and Hawkeye Sr. would've had to have at least a homestead type of deal. Something small that they could work on and live off of on their own, unless they hired farmhands (which I doubt).

So a two-person homestead. I would love to claim they cultivated dairy to go with Arakawa's background, but to make that livable, it would be too many cows for 2 people to realistically handle on their own. So either they did a smaller animal, like, say, sheep and goats, or they harvested corn, wheat, or tobacco. Midwesterner here, so let's say corn and wheat.

Anyway, Riza and her father living it rough on a homestead.

Money's a bit tight at times, but Hawkeye Sr. can take care of most of the repairs with his alchemy, so they always get by.

They've got chickens, two cows, and a lovely mare who pulls the cart whenever they need to go to town.

Three-year-old Riza being super excited about feeding the chickens for the very first time, giggling and squealing with joy as she throws feed everywhere.

Five-year-old Riza walking five miles into town to attend classes at the little one-room schoolhouse. There are a little more than thirty total students, only eight of which are anywhere near her age.

Seven-year-old Riza holding back tears when Hawkeye Sr. teaches her how to pluck and prep a fresh chicken. She can do it all on her own with a dry eye by the time she's eight.

Eleven-year-old Riza finding a goat one day on the farm, and after checking with the neighbors to see if they're missing one, decides she might as well keep it.

This is a mistake. The goat and Riza are mortal enemies. The thing will refuse to stop nipping at Riza whenever she goes out to milk it. But it keeps giving milk and sneaking away only to come back with baby goats, so she's left to suffer in silence.

Twelve-year-old Riza waking up at dawn in the summer to go detassel corn. Comes back around noon with scrapes all up and down her arms and eats enough to feed an army.

Thirteen-year-old Riza learning how to shoot and being known as the best shot for miles around before the year is up.

Fourteen-year-old Riza coming home from school only to find a sharp-looking, sweet-talking, soft-handed City Boy who her father claims is going to be his alchemist apprentice from now on.

Riza despairing about Roy-Fucking-Mustang and his complete and utter incompetence at everything that isn't alchemy. The boy can't cook, can't hunt, and wouldn't know the first thing about farm animal care if Bessie the Demon Goat bit him in the eye.

Eventually, Riza puts Mustang on cleaning and laundry duty, because that, at least, he can do. (Thank God for his three-dozen sisters and their insistence that Roy pulls his weight with chores.)

Riza's schoolhouse friends sighing over "that handsome Roy" and Riza blanches because she could never see herself falling for someone who thought milking the cows hurt them somehow. (It doesn't. Refusing to milk an animal is extremely harmful to the critter involved, and it's very likely that they could get an infection and seriously injure themselves and/or die. Don't let the radicalized vegans fool you)

Riza, to her chagrin, does develop a crush on Roy-Fucking-Mustang, who wouldn't know farm animal care if Bessie the Demon Goat bit him in the eye.

Roy, for his part, has long been crushing on Riza Hawkeye, the swol farmer's daughter who could pick him up with one hand a shoot a goose out of the sky with the other.

Neither admits it though because Roy has long since embarrassed himself past the point of no return, and Riza has complained too much to the folks in town that if she were to romance Roy now.... Well. Ain't either of the kids going to make the first move, so no move is made.

Fast forward a decade or so and Team Mustang is investigating something in the country.

Ed, Al, and Havoc are giving Mustang shit about approaching a horse wrongly and how there ain't no fancy cars out here.

Roy tries to refute it and shut them down, but Riza snorts and idly says something about him still not knowing jack about farming despite living on hers for two years.

Riza exposes Roy. Ed, Al, and Havoc rejoice. Roy despairs about his secrets being out, and Maes demands any and all pictures once he finds out.

And that's how Roy Mustang spent the rest of his days being bullied by four blond-haired Country Folk(TM).

[slashingdisneypasta]

Detective Darren Wilden x Reader (x Jason Dilaurentis) || Oneshot

Plot: Jason DiLaurentis irritates and intimidates Wilden. So when a certain DiLaurentis is finished 'showing the principal who's boss', and he runs into Wilden going through Toby's locker... and you (One of Wilden's favourite torture victim's, apart from the girls) are sneaking by to the get something out of your classroom- lines get crossed and you're unfortunately put in the middle. Fucking Wilden, that douchebag.

Warnings: Original Jason D! Because he's scary and I love him. Also this fic is just a mess of drama.

"Ahh, L/N."

Oh shit, fuck, crap, noodle- Rolling my eyes deeply up into my skull as I stop moving, not at all surprised but none the less frustrated at getting caught sneaking by, I slowly turn around; Painting a a very forced, closed mouth smile to my lips. "Oh... " You're here, Wilden. That's great. I didn't see you. Nooo, I was not sneaking behind your back... "Hi." My voice comes out dry- I didn't even try to sound pleased. Its Wilden.

The detective smirks smugly at you, as you stare boredly up at him. His hand hovers above your upper arm, mere centre metres from touching you, but seeming to think better of it as he instead gestures to the other man present instead, who is not a cop searching poor Toby's locker. "Have you met Mr DiLaurentis, here?"

What? Don't you use me as a scape goat, Wilden, I swear to god- "Um, no," I turn with a slightly more polite heir about me, to Mr DiLaurentis' and offer my hand, with a little smile. "It’s nice to meet you, I'm Y/N- Is Wilden here harassing you, too?"

Wilden's head snaps down to you with a stern expression on his irritating face. Mr DiLaurentis, on the other hand, smiles quite charmingly at me and takes my hand- giving it a nice, firm shake. "Mr DiLaurentis is my dad- Call me Jason." I nod, in return, smiling. "And, no. I think I intimidate him… a little more. Sorry to hear you're struggling, with him; Anything I can do?"

Giggling, I shake my head. "No, thank you." Then, I turn back to Wilden, and raise my eyebrows. Can I go, now? "I actually just came here to pick up something from my classroom."

Jason's eyes darken immediately, at hearing me. "You're a student?" His eyes flick to Wilden, and I can imagine what's going through his head. I hear Wilden sigh.

"Oh!- No, no, sorry. I have work placement here. I go to Hollis, getting my teaching degree." Pointing my thumb back towards the bane of my existence, I shrug. "Before I got work placement I worked weekends doing office work at the Police station. He got attached, and misses me."

It’s a good enough excuse.

Wilden lets out a puff of a scoff behind me, breath brushing the back of my head. "Don't flatter yourself, L/N."

"Oh, I'm not." Neither Wilden or I look at each other through this interaction, instead I look to Jason. He's rather amused by us, it seems, the little devious smile on his face proof of that. I roll my eyes to him, about Wilden. "Anyway- Goodluck. I gotta go."

Jason nods.

"It was nice meeting you."

"You too- " I turn to cross the hall and get into my classroom, but this time Wilden actually does grab me- manoeuvring me back in front of him and in front of Jason. I flash a very awkward smile at the DiLaurentis. "Guess I'm not going anywhere... "

"Anyway, the reason I called you over, is, I thought Jason here- "

"Mr DiLaurentis, to you."

"Right... " Wilden agrees, patting my arm as I give a snort, like- Shut up. "Well, I just thought he might want to ask you questions about Toby. I already did, but," He looks up at Jason, who's eyebrows of shot up his forehead, a curious, smug look on his face. "Maybe you can get more out of her."

What- For the first time today, Jason's evil eye is turned on me instead of Wilden, but my head snaps up to look accusingly behind me, at Daren. "... Like I said- Toby's a sweet kid. I don't think he had anything to do with- "

"Why, Detective?" Jason cuts me off and my eyes snap to him now, blazing. But he's looking at Wilden, too, now. I do not like this situation. I do not like it one bit. Not letting me leave, talking over me, ignoring me... What the hell? "You need me to do your job for you?"

I now move out of Wilden's grasp, his hands slipping off me as I step away. He's too busy glaring at Jason. "Oookay, Wilden, I’m just gonna head off- Nice meeting you Jason... “

I thought no one was paying any attention to me as they continue to argue, but Wilden grabs my arm again before I can walk away; Pulling me back. “Stop right there.”

“Why?!”

“I wanna talk to you after I’m done with this.”

“You have my phone number, Darren.” Darren- I rarely call him that. But it exhumes a certain lack of respect compared to Detective or Wilden, that is just perfectly accurate to how I feel about the Detective, so I use it. He looks at me once I’ve said it, focusing on me for half a moment rather than Jason - Mr Dilaurentis, -, and I feel my heart hammer in my chest. Oh… how in the world did I used to think this man was cute…

Now he’s the bane of my existence.

A smirk flickers across his face, then. It’s different from his usual cruel, suspicious, i-know-what-you-did kind of rueful, grin. It’s almost comfortable, and my heart is thrown entirely out of whack by it. What?- “Well, I have you here now. So no need to call- Y/N.”

My first name coming out of his mouth causes me to consciously scowl, but it also generates a certain, uncomfortable flapping feeling in my stomach somewhat like giant, carnivorous butterflies. Giving him a careful, raised eyebrow look, I lift my arm out of his grip. Like, I’ll wait- but let go.

He does so, not caring, and turns back to Jason who curiously witnessed that odd interaction.

As they talk for a few more moments, before thankfully Jason gets a phone call and bids his goodbyes to Wilden and I, I try to curb that odd fluttery feeling inside me. There’s no way its regular butterflies- not for Wilden. He’s handsome, sure, but he’s also gross and a dick. And he likes to harass me- which isn’t charming at all. Rather unpleasant, in fact.

Though… he has never outright scared me. Or made me feel in the least bit threatened, miraculously- so there’s that about our ‘relationship’. He’s never even come close to making me feel unsafe when he’s in the general vicinity, despite grabbing me every now and then which is not entirely unpleasant but I’m still not thrilled about. In fact, when he’s around, even when I worked in the police station, I felt somewhat… safe. Even with burglars and fighters all around giving me the occasional once-over or glower, I knew he had it under control. It was like- Oh there’s Wilden. I hate his guts; I’m glad he’s here to do his job.

And so I wait, until Jason has turned the corner, when I have Wilden’s total attention. Turning to him, I raise a brow. “So?”

“You’re taking precautions, right?” Wilden asks suddenly, looking very serious.

I’m caught by surprise, for a moment. … What? Is Darren Wilden expressing… concern, for me? Wow, a momentous day. “Uhh… I think so?... “

“As someone who was close to Cavenaugh, you need to be. Lock your doors and your windows at night and carry pepper spray.” I gape. What!?

“I am not going to carry pepper spray- “More importantly, I am not going to pepper spray, Toby!

Sighing, I shift my weight under his gaze; Not listening to the lecture he is now bestowing upon me. I see now- he’s just doing his cop thing. Making sure those close to the defendant don’t become future victims. But I’m not afraid of Toby and Wilden psyching me out is not going to change that. “-are you hearing me?”

Snapping out of my trance of ignoring him, I nod. “Yep.”

He just sets me with a look, that reads; No your weren’t. And he knows it- special detective powers, and all that. I cross my arms. “Are you done, now??”

“No- do you even own pepper spray, Y/N?” Okay so now he’s just calling me by my first name all-casual?? Fuck.

I give a shrug. “No, I don’t- “

“I’ll get you some.” The smug bastard smirks, because he damn well knows I want nothing from him.

“Oh no you will not- “

“And I want you to start keeping your phone on- seem to remember you have a bad habit of turning it off. You need it on, so- “

“You can reach me?? Maybe that’s exactly why its off.” Flame rages beyond my eyes, tensions rising.

He smirks, and its infuriating to me. “So you can call the cops, if you need us. But… yeah, if I need to talk to you, I need you to be reachable.” God, he just gets worse and worse. What part of our relationship is not clear? He is no position be demanding I be available to him all the time!

“You are exasperating!! No, I’m not going to do what you say- and you’re not getting me pepper spray. In fact!” Taking out my phone now from my back pocket, I quite obviously shut it all the way off under his swiftly darkening gaze. “There. Are we clear?”

“Y/N.”

“And don’t call me that!”

“Y/N,” He suddenly steps forward, and time seems to slow to crawl abruptly as his hand wraps around mine holding the phone and his other grabs hold of my waist, and he backs me up into biting steal- lockers. “… turn that back on.”

“… Why!?”

“Because I need you to be safe!” He shouts, but I don’t blink.

I’m still feeling utterly confused, as I search his furious face. “Why!? This doesn’t make any sense to me, Wilden!- We hate eachother, don’t we??”

His eyes widen for a split moment, before narrowing once again even worse; Teeth gritting behind his lips. And the next words that pass through, make time start up again- this time, 2 times the speed of before. My hearts beating erratically in my chest and he’s so close that I can feel his doing the same, and suddenly all I want is for the dam to break. “No.”

“… then show me.”

The words are barely out of my mouth before Wilden’s lips are on mine. I immediately melt into the lockers behind me, the feeling this terrifying, clarifying kiss brings with it enough to make me forget my own name. Why I hate him, why I like him, why I shouldn’t do this- it goes flying and before I know it I’m guiding him into my classroom. He’s locking the door behind us, and fighting to keep my mouth to his even as I back up to my desk at the front; His tie between my fingers.

Slowly his blazer is the first thing to go, then my sweater. And then his hands are on my thighs- mine on his belt- All the while we’re kissing, and its amazing. I’ve never been kissed like that before.

But then suddenly the music comes to a crashing end, like someone pulled the plug. Because the walkie strapped to Darren’s hip is crackling, a clear male voice speaking through it.

He picks it up and responds into it, voice a little huskier then usual…

But he’s Wilden again. Detective Wilden.

Just like that.

Clearing my throat awkwardly, sitting on my desk and feeling ridiculous, I try to gather my composure again; Letting go of his black tie. Okay… Oh, fuck. What just happened?

Once he’s done talking, having been summoned somewhere, he looks back at me and I - albeit, grudgingly, - meet his eyes. “… I have to go.”

“I gathered.”

“What just happened… - “

“Won’t happen again,” I assure, ready to go right back to how things were, but then his hands encircle my waist again and he leans back between my legs. Eyes wide, I almost back up when he goes to kiss me again.

This kiss is much softer; Makes me melt as I grant him access, then, inside my mouth. It only lasts a few unexpectedly lovely moments before he finishes and gives me one of his infuriating smirks- which I’m glad to find that, despite this odd slip, is still very much infuriating. “No. Just… Don’t go forgetting it before I see you again, alright?” Grabbing his jacket, he heads to the door. “And keep your damn phone on, I swear to god.”

His footsteps slowly disappear down the school hallway, and I’m left alone to my thoughts. No, I think, I certainly won’t be forgetting it.

But I won’t be turning my phone back on, either. If he wants to see me, he’s going to have to come find me.