#god I miss having goats and this one was so fucking sweet

[foldingfittedsheets]

Like. You can try to tell me not to touch but if an adorable Pygmy goat comes up and begs for head scritchies, like. I’m gonna.

[marknee]

bts fanfics i personally think shakespeare would lose his job over in the 1500’s.

chapter i. ✷ chapter ii.

KEYS ON SEVERITY OF SHAKESPEARE’S STATE:

( ✮ ) — poor sod is on the floor. perhaps it’s shock?

( ♬ ) — he’s jealous he didn’t write this himself. well, it sucks to suck, mate.

( ✎ ) — currently handing him a tissue. give him a second.

( ♛ ) — both him and i lost our jobs. her majesty is ruthless.

THE SHAKESPEARE SERIES.

WARNING: keep in mind, some of these authors are very strict on the rule that no minors should read their work if they’re underage, and i will honour that. but, at the end of the day, i am not your parent. so, there’s that. but heed my warning wisely. any smut or 18+ content is highlighted in bold.

NOTE: without further ado, this are the fanfics that i think would cause shakespeare to lose his job: the first of many essays. let’s bring the guy to his knees. metaphorically.

⠀

⠀

( ♛ ) THE BODYGUARD — by @rmnamjoons

!! bodyguard!namjoon x reader | 62.9k !!

bodyguard au, romance, smut, fake dating, slight angst if you squint, lil bit of violence.

firstly, we’re starting off strong. i present to you, the mother of all namjoon fanfics. and she’s a bad bitch. tbh, i feel like this fic needs a moment of silence just to relish in her glory. soak it all up. it’s essential.

this fic genuinely had me gobsmacked at how incredibly written it is. it delves into every detail and no aspect of the story is left dry. you can tell the author put their everything into creating this world you just submerge into. and it shows.

the world building is amazing, the characters are so thought out, and it feels like you’re just on this adventure with them and discovering their story as it plots out.

also, the build up to the smut? out of this world. that’s one thing i love about this fic: it doesn’t feel rushed. everything is very spaced out and takes it’s sweet time, so when you get to the chocolately nut of the ferrero rocher, it’s like gold and well earned. and you can enjoy it.

honestly, it’s been months since i read this and i think about it every day. i did do some research (for my own peace of mind) and this fic is longer than the perks of being a wallflower. and is it better? yes. sorry not sorry.

this work of art deserves to be read and loved. and i rest my case, your honour.

⠀

( ✎ ) UNTIL THE LAST STAR FALLS — by @minniepetals

!! underworld lords!bts x shield!reader | 44.4k !!

reincarnation!au, poly!au, gods!au, unrequited love, minor character death, car accidents.

quick question — for science — how does one happen to lose all their memories without any sustaining any internal or external injuries? because the things i would do to read this again for the first time. and i do not use those words lightly.

this was my first ever ‘longer’ written fic. and if i’m being honest, i never really liked to read them because i have the attention span of a goat. but this fic lures you in from the very start and time slips away like smoke. to say, it definitely left its mark on me.

it’s so brilliantly written and you feel connected to the characters both mind and soul. you want the best for them, you want to save them, you actually want to crawl into the pages (or screen) and fucking help them out. and that sold it to me, i think. just the sheer love for these characters.

i balled when i read the last few sentences. i didn’t want it to end. i think i finished it at three in the morning and sent a voice note of me crying to my friend. tmi? well, now on my christmas list is 7 hot boys in the underworld who would risk their everything for me. and i, them.

worth every single second. trust.

⠀

( ♬ ) WARM THIS WINTER — by @jamaisjoons

!! seokjin x reader ft. ex-boyfriend jungkook | 51.6k !!

christmas!au, vacation!au, angst, fluff, smut (18+).

one thing about solaris, is she never misses. if i could, i think i’d recommend every fanfic she ever put out, but that’s too much effort for me when you could simply click her masterlist. so, i’ll wait here for you to do that. make sure you come back though.

love. sure, there are hundreds- perhaps, thousands of fics on this app about it. so what makes this one different? well, that’s just it. the sorrowful honesty of love. knowing when it’s over, and when it’s blooming in the midst.

i’ve never been in love, but frankly, this fic really spelt it out for me. the pain, the joy, the lingering memories after everything is said and done. it’s all there. and it really settles in your heart as you near the end.

this work pulled on every single heartstring of mine, stamped on them, and then proceeded to sew anew for the future to bring its own miseries. and i enjoyed it more than i can say (or type).

give this a read if you need just that bit of spark in your life. and that bit of sadness, too.

⠀

( ✮ ) STRIKE A CHORD — by @snackhobi

!! yoongi x reader | 15.8k !!

smut (18+), pianist!yoongi.

i don’t know what it is about this fic, but i come back to it whenever it pops up in my mind during my day. i’ll immediately unlock my phone and open this app, knowing i’ll feel better when the last word is read. and i feel content.

the atmosphere in this fic, if i may, feels as though you’re trapped in a warm, safe bubble with hazed music in the distance and soft light spilling through the thin layer of the bubble— not too dark, but enough to make you feel drowsy and peaceful. perhaps that’s why i return to it so often. i like how it makes me feel.

yoongi as an artist is already enough to make a person swoon, but as a pianist? i need a lie down. a cold towel to the head. just the whole characterisation of him in this fic needs a whole separate essay in itself, but you’ll understand my point when you read it.

forever a comfort fic, i think. and forever a comfort person. double whammy. case closed.

⠀

( ✎ ) THE END — by @jimlingss

!! seokjin x reader | 31k !!

fifty percent fluff, fifty percent angst, loosely inspired by to all the boys i’ve loved before.

i say this with my whole chest: i have never underestimated the amount of emotions you can experience during a fanfic, until i read the end— both literally and metaphorically. shock horror.

this fanfic takes you through the adventure of the reader learning of what her future would commence if she were to marry either one of the six members. best part? she’s led through this rollercoaster journey by the ghost of kim seokjin.

first impression to such an offer? sign me the fuck up. i mean, what more could you ask for? however my final impression went a bit more on the lines of what the fuck just happened. very different ends of the spectrum, if you ask me.

i decided to hand both shakespeare and i a tissue after this great piece of art was finished because not only was i sobbing, he was on the floor knowing his romance play of pericles could never live up to such an incredible story.

this fic was a rollercoaster i would be delighted to get onto for another ride.

⠀

( ✎ ) A UNIVERSE TO YOU — by @readyplayerhobi

!! soulmate!hoseok x reader | 41k !!

fluff, angst, smut (18+), soulmates!au.

shakespeare once said (according to google), “it is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves,” and if this fic wasn’t a soulmate!au, i think i would’ve agreed in some sorts. but as it is, in fact, a soulmate!au, i’m obliged to disagree. it was destiny i read this fic, hand on heart.

i was not expecting this fic to hit me in the feels as hard as it did. as you can tell by the other works listed in this essay of recommendations, soulmate!au’s come up a lot. and with a lot of the same plots flying around on this app, it’s hard to make one stand out. but this author definitely has a gift.

everything was so richly created it made you feel full. of wonder, of love, and of want. it made you crave it for yourself. and that’s what i love about this fic. it just makes you feel… good. and with the unfortunates of life currently, it’s one to get your head stuck in for some temporary relief.

dream soulmate? he’s right here, people. just enjoy the story and all the feels that float around your body. go on.

⠀

( ✮ ) BUNNY — by @btssmutgalore

!! jungkook x fem!reader | 46.5k !!

non-idol!au, camboy!jk, friends to lovers, smut, angst.

let’s start here: never judge a book by its cover. a quote by george eliot going all the way back to the 19th century, and one i would use to describe this series as a whole, and my first impressions towards it.

this series, although unfinished (i think), has exceeded my expectations of a good smut outlined by a good plot. the best of both worlds, if you might. i came out of this series deeply in awe of the writing and the clear imagery the author manages to create within your own mind.

additionally, bunny was the beginning for me in learning about the world of camboys and camgirls(?), but i was greatly surprised. often, people are unkind to the new and stick to what they’re accustomed to, afraid of what the unknown might bring — me, included.

but, i’m glad i took the risk because i received three great things in return: a beautiful fanfic, knowledge of something that was foreign to me, and an author whose work i admire and shall be returning to in the future.

perhaps what i’m getting at is this could be a lesson to all. take a risk of something unknown because who knows? maybe something great will come out of it, and you’ll learn something. i did.

⠀

( ♬ ) SEOUL UNDERGROUND — by @hunniejimins (ao3)

!! namjoon x jungkook x f!reader | 300k !!

mafia!au, enemies to lovers, violence, slow burn, love triangles, mob boss!namjoon, smut, heavy angst.

it’s ironic really. i found this work by someone else’s recommendation, and now i’m passing on the favour and recommending it to you, dear reader. it’s funny how the world works.

this work is the perfect balance of fantasy and reality and i love it. you’re hit with the beauty and clouded haze of love before being smacked back into the world at the realisation the very person you’re in love with, is a mafia mob boss and his killer mate. a real fun-sponge, i tell ‘ya.

nevertheless, this book kept me up early morning and late evening reading. it keeps you hooked, wanting, and hungry for more.

it’s nothing less of a masterpiece.

⠀

( ✎ ) CREAM AND SUGA — by @snackhobi

!! yoongi x barista f!reader | 14.8k !!

coffee shop!au, barista!au, fluff, nfsw (18+).

@snackhobi is mentioned twice on this list. though, can you blame me? it’s just a good thing shakespeare and this author don’t exist in the same century. it would be absolute carnage but nobody is ready for that conversation.

this author has a talent of portraying yoongi in the most irresistible way possible. i swear, i fall in love with him all over again reading. i wish you understood.

the whole misunderstanding section made me laugh because haven’t we all been there? the crushing pain and overwhelming guilt of having a crush on someone you can’t have. it’s all too real, seriously. been there, done that (unfortunately).

especially having the holidays just past, this is a perfect fic for a warm evening in, while the coldness of winter storms past outside. such a cute fic. love, love, love!

⠀

( ♛ ) LOST AND FOUND — by @taleasnewastime

!! seokjin x reader | 21.2k !!

strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, sfw.

everyone says they have a fanfic that changed them, whether they’re being hyperbolic or brutally honest. and in my case, it’s a matter of both latter and former.

a couple months ago, i reached what i thought was rock bottom regarding my mental state and i took to my imagination to save me from the daily hell of my own mind. and this book was one i never really forgot about.

everything this author wrote within this fic was honest, heartfelt and very, very real. from the way you don’t just go up after going through something, but fall occasionally and sometimes feel as though you’re back at square one, to the way that there definitely is hope in the dark moments, and a light at the end of the tunnel. albeit a very faint one.

it comforted me in a way and reminded me of what i thought to be lost. fruitless, even. but sometimes, it’s books like these that open our eyes to things we’ve forgotten during times of turmoil: the simple goodness of life. and of people.

“if you’re going through hell, keep going.” winston churchill.

⠀

( ✮ ) CANDYLAND — by @honeymoonjin

!! seokjin x reader ft. elf!jk | 13k !!

thriller, angst, fantasy, husband!jin, some cursing.

my mother is the biggest thriller fan. not that you needed to know that, but she is. and she’s not ashamed of it either. she’ll let you know if she’s reading a really good thriller in the moment. trust me, you’ll know.

me? not so much. i’m more of a sappy, hopeless romance, happy ending kind-of-sod — if you haven’t already guessed from this list. but there’s a reason this fic is on the list, too.

this fic genuinely kept me on the edge of my seat- uh, bed. the secrets of what darkness lingered behind the happy exterior of this adventure trip gripped my eyes to the screen, and lord, was it worth it.

throw a bit of husband!seokjin in there too? what more could you want! and written by @honeymoonjin? what a win.

let’s just say after this fic i added a few other thrillers to my basket. and happily reported to my mum i was a changed woman. okay, i’m exaggerating, but you get my point. it was incredible.

⠀

( ✎ ) LILY LUCK — by @gguksgalaxy

!! yoongi x reader | 10.7k !!

soulmates!au, angst, fluff if u squint, very slight implicit sexual content, anxiety.

although this fic may be the shortest on the list, do not underestimate its power. it is still as mighty as the others— perhaps, even more so.

i think the main emotion i want to hone into concerning this fanfic is compassion. it sinks into your bones and surrounds your entire being like a unwanted hug. and you can’t even stop it.

the author does a good job of making you feel intense compassion for the reader — who so desperately wants to meet her soulmate. which makes the ending that much more satisfying.

this is for those who’re lonely, need a pick up, or those who’re hopeless romantics and believe in love belonging to fate, such as myself.

“expectation is the root of all heartache.” william shakespeare. talking of the devil, he would definitely cry over this fic. either of bubbling emotions, or the fact he didn’t write it himself. sucks really. for him, not for me.

© marknee, 2023. all rights reserved.

[f1rodrigo]

sweet relief | l. norris | part four

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ it's so reckless of me...

summary: in which you fall for your best friend’s teammate and keeping it a secret proves to be harder than you intended. or when all you need is sweet relief the rest of the world fades away. pairing: social media au || lando norris x piastri bsf!reader fc: olivia rodrigo <3

inspired by the song ‘sweet relief’ by madison beer

ALL PARTS HERE

a/n: hi i'm veryyyyy sorry for how long it took me to get this one up but it has a bit more than the other parts did & its currently finals week so the end of the semester is always very busy so i didn't have much time to work on this. hope you enjoy xx

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

landonorris added to their story

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

📍 Tokyo, Japan

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, and 2,032,987 others

yourusername i don't dream of anyone else...

view all 3,098 comments

user1 SHES IN JAPAN EVERYONE UP

user2 miss girl...this caption...the rumors...is it lyrics...what does it all mean%^&(@&@(!

user3 this caption after all the rumors ohhh my girl dont give a fuckkkk

user4 can't tell if this is her confirming or denying

⤷ user5 ...or living her life and not paying it any mind

user6 WHY THE FUCK IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THE LAST PHOTO??? ITS LITERALLY THE ELEVATOR AND FIT SHE WAS IN FROM THE DELETED PIC ON LANDOS STORY HELLO

⤷ user7 wait omfg it is.... idk why i didnt realize it sooner ⤷ user8 pls they do not gafffff anymore basically telling us they're together ⤷ user9 omg what deleted story???? ⤷ user10 go to @/norrisupdates on twitter i think they posted it before he deleted

user11 max fewtrell in the likes oh i am Thinking

lilymhe prettiest girl <3

⤷ yourusername i love u so dearly ms lily ⤷ user12 this is wag confirmation idc

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆

yourusername added to their story

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆

liked by lnfour, yourusername, and 643,811 others

landonorris DOUBLE PODIUM!!!!!!!!!! Congrats mate! Thanks @/mclaren 🧡

view all 3,070 comments

mclaren Very good, very nice. 🏆🏆👏

oscarpiastri Well done mate 👊

riabish 🙌

user13 ANOTHER PODIUM THATS MY GOAT

user14 who would've thought... wow i am so proud

user15 mclaren double podium i used to pray for times like these

yourusername conhrsts 😭🧡

⤷ landonorris hmm sorry what was that ⤷ yourusername oh my god i couldn't see through my tears YOU KNEW WHAT I MEANT ⤷ user16 COULDNT SEE THROUGH HER TEARS PLSSS SHES JUST LIKE US ⤷ user17 mom and dad are fighting i dont like this

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⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆

liked by landonorris, yourusername, and 643,811 others

oscarpiastri One for the mantelpiece 🏆 and driver of the day too!! you guys 🧡

view all 2,217 comments

user18 SOBBING MY EYES OUT

landonorris Congrats mate!!

⤷ oscarpiastri You too mate! (and i'm not talking about the podium 😉) ⤷ landonorris ...I take it back ⤷ user19 oscar piastri what the FUCK is that supposed to mean

yourusername I AM CRYING LIKE A PARENT DROPPING THEIR CHILD OFF FOR THEIR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

⤷ user15 yn & lando parents to oscar has now been confirmed

yourusername so beyond proud of you oscar 🥹

⤷ oscarpiastri 🧡🧡 ⤷ user20 cannot imagine how she feels watching him all her life through karting till now and getting to witness his first podium oh my gosh im crying again ⤷ user21 STFU NOW IM CRYING

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆

liked by oscarpiastri, dan_nigro, and 3,981,061 others

yourusername my new single, 'sweet relief' will be all yours in one week. presave at the link in my bio<3

view all 5,910 comments

user30 BEST DAY OF MY LIFE ARE U KIDDING

user31 love song about lando calling it now

user32 sobbing my eyes out new yn music

user33 BABE WAKE UP YN YLN ANNOUNCED NEW MUSIC

landonorris 🔥

⤷ user34 real

logansargeant lets goooo

user34 HIT OF THE YEAR INCOMING

user35 cannot wait oh my fucking god

alex_albon lily and i will be streaming���️❗️

⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆。 ﾟ☾ ﾟ。⋆⋆。ﾟ☁︎。⋆

tagged:

@allywthsr , @2bormaybenot , @vellicora

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

Little Talks (Of Monsters and Men)

You're gone, gone, gone away; I watched you disappear/All that's left is a ghost of you Now we're torn, torn, torn apart; there's nothing we can do/Just let me go, we'll meet again soon/Now wait, wait, wait for me; please hang around/I'll see you when I fall asleep

"It's such a happy song, in sound, but it's about a woman and her dead lover, both of them singing call and response to one another. missing each other, the dead having to watch the living grieve them. and the bridge is both of them at once and just. oh my god"

No Children (The Mountain Goats)

I hope that our few remaining friends/Give up on trying to save us/I hope we come up with a fail-safe plot/To piss off the dumb few that forgave us/I hope the fences we mended/Fall down beneath their own weight/And I hope we hang on past the last exit/I hope it’s already too late

I hope it stays dark forever/I hope the worst isn't over....And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out/You'd stay the hell out of my way

I am drowning/There is no sign of land/You are coming down with me/Hand in unlovable hand

And I hope you die/I hope we both die

"The song of all time. It's the soundtrack for countless bad vibes ships (affectionate). The phrase 'hand in unlovable hand' has immutably altered the brain chemistry of thousands with its underlying sentiment and launched a hundred accompanying memes. 'I hope you die, I hope we both die' crams such incredible rawness and depth of feeling into all of nine words. It also makes for a great singalong."

"I need to leave. I need to LEAVE. I need to get out of this situation and I'd hope that if i found the strength to walk out, you'd stay the hell out of my way. I need to leave. Please. Let me out. HAND IN UN FUCKING LOVABLE HAND"

"Just. Man. These two are so broken. They want to be in love. They aren't. They hate each other so much. They are the only ones who understand each other. They wish that they weren't so close but all they can taste is ash when they think of leaving each other. Just, mutually assured destruction tastes so sweet when you can taste the blood on their tongue."

"It's No Children."

"goddd man this song is about being an irredeemable freak with another irredeemable freak and i think that's beautiful. there's something so fuck you up ish about the person you hate and despise the most in the world also being the only other person who is like you, who gets you. im going down, but youre going down too. we can be terrible people together... even if i hate you... even if you're the fucking worst. because we don't have anyone else. there's always a sort of comfort in knowing that there's someone out there who's as terrible as you are, and maybe you only hate them because you see yourself in them a little, too. anyway clay and bloberta from moral orel"

"The sheer emotion packed into the way it’s sung, the lyrics themselves, all of it just screams ‘clinging desperately to someone you hate because you don’t have anyone else and you burned those bridges yourself’ and I find that painfully relatable"

"It's a song about both virulent self-hatred and virulent hatred of someone else and yet you see yourself intertwined with that hated person forever."

Poll runner: Do I even have to add anything? This was the tournament's most submitted song.

No Children submitted by @leovaldezdefender + @diogenescynic2288 + many others

[the-muppet-joker]

Hoggle fuckability rating on the Skaft Meter:

Style: He has a quaint style and an eye for accessorizing. They approach me in Garden of Gethsemane. I wonder if they taste the blood in my sweat on their lips after they press a kiss to my cheek. I wonder if my anguish will change their mind. Did they always plan to betray me like this? Or did they decide only after I bore my secret heart to them that I was something to be tossed aside to the wolves and snakes and goats, for 30 pieces of silver. How much are your loved ones worth to you? Or can you only determine their worth after you decide not to love them anymore? Did my blood taste sweet to you? Very nice.

Kink: He would be very submissive, I think. I would enjoy hearing him whimper. He would enjoy degradation. He would take my whole fist. Christ is depicted almost peacefully on the cross. Suffering silently. The perfect sacrifice. I am not so sinless. I would have screamed. Is that why you look away from my crucifixion, God? I suppose you can only watch a man scream for so long until you grow tired of it. I strive to entertain you with my suffering, Father. Are you bored of me? Is that why I am so despicable in your eyes? Very Nice.

Aesthetic: Old and shriveled, and not in a "dilfy" way. My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? You look at me with such disgust from across the dinner table. And yet you find it within yourself to sing while shoveling my brother's manure. I want to be loved unconditionally like an animal. I am a muppet. I am a clown. I AM YOUR SON! I hated Bucephalus because I knew no one else would. He could trample me to death and my Father would get down on his knees and wash the blood off of his hooves. I miss him. The horse, I mean. At least I knew where I stood with him. Not impressed.

Fertility: Infertile. I am tired of being deceived and despised. I hate being hated. I am sorry for making you hate me, Four. Not impressed.

Treatment: Hoggle would be there for me. He would be loyal. He would never betray me and all I would have to do would be to give him shiny things. I could give him shiny things. Very nice.

6/10 would fuck Hoggle

[tubbytarchia]

I love to imagine how shocked and surprised the ranchers and Pearl would be when they both realize that the ranchers don’t fear Pearl and that Pearl isn’t ridiculing the ranchers for even a second

Like they’d be flabbergasted

“Wait your not scared of me??”

“Wait your not gonna make fun of us???”

Just imagine them standing together like that one Spider-Man point meme

Sorry this answer is about to go on a bit of a general ranchers/pearl thought spree but YEAH this, lmao. They have more in common than they'd think!! Alas fate was cruel and it feels like two ships that were so close to meeting but just barely missed each other in the night, sailing right past

Jimmy at least has Tango to not be alone in his ridicule but even with their heads put together they wouldn't have enough brain capacity to care about what others are saying about Pearl. And well, there WAS session 3 when Jimmy shooed Pearl away because of. powdered snow?????? And because she was holding a sculk sensor?? Honestly I don't think Jimmy even at that point cared much about her being labelled as crazy, or didn't perceive it as anything significant, because it never came up unless I'm mistaken? Not once did the ranchers mention that? Jimmy did still break my heart in that moment but I don't think he realized the gravity of what he was doing. I think he was leaning into that more jokingly than anything but also... maybe Scott's presence at that very moment influenced him (cough because flower husbands past cough)

Tango most certainly wouldn't care about what Scott was spreading about Pearl. Scott could come and tell it to his face and he'd be like "uhuh yup!" and then forget immediately because he's Tango (not because he's stupid, he just doesn't think about things he doesn't consider important in relation to him). And Jimmy I think might care more if he weren't in like a happy ranch marriage with Tango and stuff. They'd be aware but not know how deep others' perception of Pearl went, nor would they care unless Pearl wronged them in any significant way

Jimmy wasn't surprised by Pearl's kindness to them in getting the goat horns, probably mostly because he was racking his brain too hard over Minecraft mechanics and being too overjoyed when they did get said horns, but probably also because he expected it to be a one-off thing? But I'd like to think that when Pearl returned to apologize after making a fool of him by stealing Oreo (the horse) with Martyn, and Jimmy kept asking "Are you serious?" when Pearl offered to give the horse back for nothing in exchange this time, that that was when he was really taken aback. Pearl once again showed some form of kindness, even as she was being shunned by everyone (moreso now than in session 2) and as she started to lean into the label of "crazy" that she was given because what else was she to do, all alone? Even then she ran back to Jimmy to apologize and give the horse back. And Jimmy, sweet child, offers friendship at last. But then he got ahead of himself when Pearl asked for confirmation and he went "You know you'd be an even better friend if you gave my horn back too!" and Pearl had to admit she'd already given it to Martyn, after which they kind of just separated without saying much. Clearly Jimmy was disappointed but mm he didn't even proclaim that Pearl wasn't welcome anymore or anything... It was certainly implied through his silence but knowing Jimmy, he would have gotten defensive and made his stance clear, but he didn't, which was either because he didn't want to, because maybe he still wanted to entertain the idea of Pearl making it up to him, OR he was just that fucking sad. He just said "right" and left as Pearl laughed (also I refuse to believe there was malice there in her laugh. What else was she gonna do in response) Either way oh my god I hate it I'm so sad

Anyway so. Their interactions past session 2 were mostly unfortunate but to me it's just... SUCH CRUEL FATE because YOU'RE RIGHT ANON. I really think they could have made it work but because Pearl was in the position that she was in, she didn't consider the idea of ever allying with anyone seriously enough and when she would have, with the ranchers, she'd already felt like she missed her chance. I'd like to imagine her laugh then, when Jimmy left her at the gate of the ranch was that of realization that maybe this friendship really could have happened, but she messed it up. And I'd like to think the ranchers would have still ultimately welcomed her into an alliance, had Pearl not given up trying, because she probably thought that if the ranchers hadn't thought badly of her yet, they must have now. Because no one wanted her, why would the ranchers be an exception? I'm gonna stop my unrefined elongated rant before I completely lose myself um hi hello I'm sorry that I got emotional in response to an anon ask describing the spiderman meme LMAO I'm a bit ill

[f1-giuki]

A Sunday Kind of Love 6 is at +13k words and I don't know how longer it will get, probably a lot, I love it.

Should I add a scene where Max, on the phone with Charles’s mom, dyes Charles’ hair?

And, here's a snippet of the fic! Enjoy!

~

The next morning Max is awake and not too dumbed by a long 12-hour nap. All the tiredness he accumulated caught up with him. He wakes up rather early and manages to eat half of the sweets in the pantry for breakfast. He drinks a red red bull can, the only one he's allowed in the house, and he walks upstairs to turn on the simulator. He might do some endurance racing until lunch.

As the computer turns on he checks his messages. There are a few texts from Charles, a bunch of I lost my dildo, do you know where my pink dildo is texts, a picture of a cake his mother made with a finger half covering the camera lens, another one without the finger, a video Arthur took of Charles asleep on the sofa snoring loudly, you stole my highway pass!!, BASTARD!, then Charles texts him the time he will leave for Italy, two days later, Max blinks twice when he sees that Charles will drive from Monaco to their place.

Babe, are you insane?

Wait, don't answer… What will you do today?

He texts and grins when he sees Charles's answer, a sticker of his face holding a red triangle sign saying 'don't'. Max laughs.

I'll sleep again, go to your place since mine is flooded with people outside, I'll help mom make a menu for the dinner with the cousins and then I'll probably be forced to make lasagne for lunch by Arthur, he doesn't let me live after the ones I made for Easter

Tell him that the next time you fall asleep he should draw a dick on your forehead

Like he did last week

absolutely no, don't give him strange ideas

You're lucky I don't have his number

I know you think I lack self-preservation instincts, but I don't go that far

I miss you

I love you

I love you too

don't let Arthur wait for his food

Blah blah blah, ttyl <3

God you're so sexy when you use millennial slang

Max smiles and puts his phone on the Red Bull mini-fridge he has in the sim room, next to his first world championship trophy. A curious piece of tat. He sits down and fixes the camera in front of him. He still has an hour before he needs to turn it on and join a live stream with his sim racing team. He grins and opens goat simulator and takes his phone to text Lando.

Wanna do one hour of goat simulator before I go live?

Fuck yeah, mate

-

Max's stomach rumbles at half past noon, while he's still streaming and, after five minutes of good teasing, he turns off the live stream, and goes to the kitchen, trying to understand what to make. He looks at the package of tagliatelle Charles bought but didn't like. It's been sitting on the counter for two weeks. He takes it and grins as he opens the pantry filled with stacked jars of fancy tomato sauce. Charles really has a problem…

"Okay, that will do," he mumbles as he takes a new jar.

He puts on another Paul Simon vinyl and jams to the music while cutting onions and garlic, humming the words of 50 Ways to leave your lover. Max grins and puts the chopped stuff in a little bowl. Charles has taught him to be organised in the kitchen and he's trying. His phone starts ringing and Max stops the music to pick it up. It’s a number he hasn’t saved in his contacts, an Italian number.

"Hello?"

"Ciao zio Max! Sono Lorenzo!" Hi uncle Max! I'm Lorenzo!

"Ciao Lorenzo, come stai?” Hi Lorenzo, how are you? He asks with a big smile on his face.

“Tutto bene, scusa se ti chiamo, ma mia mamma non riesce a venirmi a prendere a scuola… Potresti passare tu?”

“Aspetta, I don’t understand, one second, un secondo…” Max says as he hurries to the living room to take his tablet with him and opens Google Translate.

“Parla, per favore,” Speak, please. He says and Lorenzo repeats the phrase. All’s good, sorry if I’m calling you, but my mom can’t pick me up from school… Could you come and pick me up?

[toniko]

side stories spoilers

there was only a little bit of LHH in these new chapters? I mean more of him next chapter but I miss him so bad…

oh but seriously hyunwoo is so gilyoung coded it’s crazy, the image of them lying side by side… LHH’s sentiment about them looking like brothers is such a sweet sentiment

otherwise i feel it’s finally time to settle my opinions on the readers

1: Lee Hakhyun (my serious favorite chara of all orv)

He refuses to let ANY reader die, it really reminds me of that Dokja selfishness for his companions but it somehow expresses so much kinder out of LHH idk, i just be saying shit now

thank goodness that he’s slightly better emotionally regulated, i love how everyone loves him as well n he so loves them back (especially that 41!YJH guy…) (damn this kind of rehashes my reasons for loving Dokja but that guy is severely more emotionally constipated so i like LHH better)

he feels like such a reliable guy, he really makes sure everyone will be okay n it truly feels like orvss will have a good ending bc he’s there to see it through

yk that feeling of pride u get when Kim Dokja gets hyped up on ORV, yeah i get that for LHH so hard he’s like my guy ever if i were a constellation, half my savings would be gone bc im busy gassing up LHH. he’ll do anything n ill be like “damn RIGHT he did, my goat”

2: Cha Yerin

theater dungeon cube room convo my beloved, literally a top 5 scene for me and all they did was talk

seriously tied w her brother but i think i like her slightly more because she’s the first reader 🥺 i mean LHH’s biggest number one fan literaturegirl64, likes his original works more.

the story of her n her brother is such a, idk gets my heart… orphanage, siblings? she’s blind and her brother has info dumped orv in audio over 6 complete times to her? amazing (this one of applies to why i like both characters, duh)

also just one of the most skilled fighters, ik orv women go crazy but orvss has so many new top tier female fighters, rlly said “no constellation” just a martial arts goat, she n her bro stood out immediately as the badass readers. her design makes me rlly happy too, i keep thinking abt it please make her real blackbox or webtoon ( in aprox. 6 years…)

the 1 on 1 convos she has w LHH are always so special to me, more than ever LHH is an author to her and she is his reader

she’s living my dream btw (got to read LHH’s old novels)

3: KillerKing (Cha Sunwoo???)

i think maybe, if LHH didn’t STILL call you KillerKing (regardless it’s what you go by damn) then I’d remember ur real name

idk I genuinely have to revisit the chapters to check again bc no one is updating any wikis… no should i do it? anyway

he is easily the funniest new character of the side stories bar none, god damn YJH kinnie, chuuni ass

recent recycling center arc (the animal masks one) sold me so hard on him, how can he consistently be like “no, go on without me!” flips black coat n still be cool… coolest lamest guy ever

jophiel is also such a cool constellation sponsor, some of the other readers have yet to have constellations so im excited to see what they end up with

his idea of surviving also being not to be like kim dokja but to do what you’re good at? it’s so good, makes so much damn sense. amazing.

the duo video game skill is awesome, I just can’t believe YJH beats the really cool co-op siblings bc he’s a fucking pro gamer, like get a JOB

4: Ye Hyunwoo

is that right? you want to be kim dokja but you can’t. this mf sets off 20 red flags every damn chapter but there’s that sense that he will always remain an ally cause he’s a smart kid and very self-aware so it’s also tragic in that sense

oddly enough he feels like an outsider to the group but he’s around really often n i think he really sets that distance himself

i think he’s really gotta embrace that he’s okay with being taken care of and hiding behind someone but is also capable himself. gong pildu literally your dad little man. I think we’re really at the trickling last bits of his general character arc

5: Lee Dansu (Noh Kyunghwan) (made me cry like 20 times)

favorite dilf in the apocalypse. im joking. maybe

inevitable insane tragedy of staying alive beyond his family

his entire like arc got me bawling my eyes out ong i just wish for him to be happy, kindly middle aged man who only read orv to understand his daughter? like what if i end it all omg it’s so… 😭😭😭

my wish is for him and hyunwoo to talk deadass. they should mourn together. hyunwoo knows what happened to his daughter and they both share a really close connection w her

there’s a real time to shoe him in these chapters bc that’s his daughter’s best friend n then his constellation came down too? deadass

6: Kyung Sein (does this count as trans girl)

she’s goofy silly cute… him? i mean it’s the only time we’ve seen a different gendered reader to character deadass did they run out of incarnation bodies for transmigration?

but anyway, i think it’s fun that she just stans heewon so hard she worked out n then is like bros with hyunsung. 41!YJH legitimately values her and the rest of the companions in combat. this round is so interesting bc like there’s the usual incarnations + the readers who got crazy good powerful so the balance is wrecked

honestly she and Lee Dansu were like, the first companions so there’s a sense of fondness that just comes from knowing them for so long

7: Ji Enyu

victim of less screen time bc she’s being badass on her own, seriously. initially she’s all like “haha what if we get put in the orv world there’s no way I’d survive” n she’s surviving the hardest, the balls on this woman. i think my jaw drops everytime she appears bc she’s got new awesome abilities n powers n connections. don’t even need that YJH carry

+ Yoo Sangah constellation, + LHH’s equivalent of Yoo Sangah, + the editor of ORV (its editor…. 🥹)

she and LHH literally got that best friend feel on, just looking at each other n understanding each other

also possessing King of Beauty is unironically crazy, but so so funny. someone who found her own way but still remains a reliable ally all the way through

seems to be getting more screen time this arc PLEASE more of her

that’s the companion readers i deadass can not write anymore in this tumblr post i mean i can. oh wow the readers are so fucking awesome man…

[doomedandstoned]

MR. BUNGLE MELVINS  ☆ SPOTLIGHTS ★ The Showbox, Seattle

  Photo Review by Chris Schanz

One might ask what would bring me out of retirement? Was I retired? What the hell have I been doing for the past three years? All things Doomed and Stoned have been in flux for me. I’ve been focusing on my day job. I’ve been focusing on my family. I’ve been focusing on my garden. All this focusing has left me nearsighted. Blurry. The COVID era left me with a shitty hangover (not long COVID – I’m just trying to forget that shit and move on!). Sure – I’ve shot shows, band portraits, weddings, funerals yadda yadda fucking yadda. I wanted a sign that the universe is ready for my gifts, once again.

Enter Mr. Bungle and The Melvins. The Geek Show Tour, sponsored by Ipecac Records celebrates both the vast accomplishments of Mike Patton (Faith No More, Fantomas, Mr. Bungle) and The Melvins – on their 40th anniversary! The perfect lure to get me off my ass and feel like I actually can contribute something to music, art and photography in general without licking the taint of Instagram and an AI-generated algorithmic overlord soon set to devour us, Titans, Gods and all.

The Showbox at the Market is the perfect set. I feel at home there, usually right by the soundboard. So many shows seen there – Sonic Youth, Nudedragons (Soundgarden), Brothers Of the Sonic Cloth, Sleep, Uncle Acid, Bell Witch, Graveyard, Chelsea Wolfe, The Black Angels – on and on, and on and on. It’s by far Seattle’s best concert hall, IMHO.

SPOTLIGHTS

I admit. I wasn’t prepared for Spotlights. A buddy of mine in Denver by way of San Francisco said they’re sweetly DOOMY. I was in. I got three songs to fall in love. Head over heels! Words escape my brain, only memories of sweet, subsonic joy flowing through my chest and brain. I followed up with Sarah Quintenero after the show at the merch booth, loading up on their vinyl. I’m blasting “Tidals” on vinyl while writing this in my cave, but “Alchemy for the Dead” is a MASTERPIECE! I’ve been binging on their Bandcamp all week now. Bold, deep bass fuzz, ethereal vocals and serrated guitar riffs. My new summer soundtrack.

They’re still on tour – and I highly advise you to see them now!

Alchemy For The Dead by Spotlights

Spotlights Setlist

"The Alchemist" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"Sunset Burial" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"Algorithmic" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"False Gods" (2023’s Alchemy For The Dead)

"Part 4" (2020’s We Are All Atomic)

MELVINS

This brings me back to the Melvins. The force that shaped my twenties in Seattle. My band Fuzzbud had a six-degrees-of-Kevin Bacon thing with a Morton, WA / Monteseno, WA, somebody’s cousin played in a band that opened for…whatevs. We tuned to DUH flat and had a good time. BUT…The Melvins were always a mainstay in any of my playlists.

King Buzzo did NOT disappoint! I was singing along from the photo pit. I was kidding beforehand that there should be some sort of SNL skit – a play by play commentary of the photo pit action. Think Howard Cosell announcing each of the photogs falling over each other for the shots. I thought it was funny, anyways. I’m a dork.

ANYWHOO. Buzzo provides! Dale’s a GOD. I got my HEALTHY fix of Houdini, culminating in a THREE BASS OVERLOAD on Night Goat with Sara Qintenero from Spotlights and Trevor Dunn from Mr. Bungle joining Steve McDonald to rumble your bunghole. What did I miss by NOT seeing the tour finale in San Francisco? A reunion of Fantomas (Mike, Buzz and Dave Lombardo)! When these guys get together, (black) magic always happens!

The Bride Screamed Murder by Melvins

Melvins Setlist

"I Can’t Shake It" (1998 split with Cosmic Psychos, Some Girls/I Can’t Shake It)

"Zodiac" (1990’s Bullhead)

"Copache" (1993’s Houdini)

"I Want to Hold Your Hand" (2018’s Pinkus Abortion Technician - Beatles Cover)

"Hammering" (2022’s Bad Mood Rising)

"Never Say You’re Sorry" (2022’s Bad Mood Rising)

"Evil New War God" (2010’s The Bride Screamed Murder)

"Let It All Be" (1999’s The Bootlicker)

"Honey Bucket" (1993’s Houdini)

"Revolve" (1994’s Stoner Witch)

"Night Goat" (1993’s Houdini - with Steve McDonald, Spotlights Sarah Quintero and Mr. Bungle bass Trevor Dunn on basses)

MR. BUNGLE

The main event. I knew they led with the Mr. Rogers theme on most nights. ADORABLE! But to my surprise, and delight! They performed the John Sebastian theme to “Welcome Back Kotter”! FUCK YES. I’m a Sweathog and everyone knows it! We would also be treated to the Pepto Bismol jingle not too far into the set.

I was wanting, wishing for a few more songs from 1991’s Mr. Bungle release, primarily some “Squeeze Me Macaroni” and “Stubb-A-Dub” action. Stubb was my go-to track in our house in college. After many a trip, I believed I was the proverbial “family dog” to our tribe…just elated to be along for the ride scrambling from party to party. Luckily for me, I got some “My Ass Is On Fire” and I was satiated. “Speak Spanish Or Die” brought me right back to my thrash and skating days (Days. Rolled my ankle on the half-pipe and drove the crew to all the spots after that). Van Halen’s Loss of Control? A TOTAL surprise and I was elated! Ear to ear grins and giggles!

I came for the Melvins, Mike Patton and Dave Lombardo, but I left with a deep adoration for Spotlights and a 365-day calendar of “The Many O-Faces of Scott Ian” and that’s more than OK. I’m in love. Thank you, Scott, for fulfilling this schoolboy’s adolescent dreams, 30 years later!

The Night They Came Home by Mr. Bungle

Mr. Bungle Setlist

"Welcome Back" (John Sebastian cover)

"Bungle Grind"

"Eracist"

"Spreading the Thighs of Death"

"Loss for Words" (Corrosion of Conformity cover)

"Hypocrites"

"Speak English or Die" (Stormtroopers of Death cover) (changed to "Speak Spanish or Die")

"Glutton for Punishment"

"Anarchy Up Your Anus"

"Methematics"

"Hell Awaits" (Slayer cover) (intro)

"True/Cold War/True"

"Raping Your Mind"

"World Up My Ass" (Circle Jerks cover) (with Michael Crain)

"Sudden Death"

Encore: "Loss of Control" (Van Halen cover)

Encore: "My Ass Is on Fire" (with PEP tag)

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

SPOILER REVIEW FOR ACROSS THE SPIDER VERSE BELOW THE CUT

1000000/10, best movie, go see it immediately, Spider-Man my beloved 💖💖💖

- The Visuals

• Holy shit guys, this might be THE best animated movie ever created. They took the visuals and art styles from the first movie and cranked it up to 10,000!!

• Seeing all the Spider people in different art forms had my eyes glued to the movie, there were so many Easter eggs and nods to other popular Spiders, I know I didn’t see them all!

• The backgrounds were absolutely gorgeous! My personal favorite being the ones from Gwen’s universe, almost every shot had different colors in the background and it was just mesmerizing!

• They did a fantastic job distinguishing each universe from one other by using different color schemes and art styles, even when some of them looked similar, you could tell there was something different!

- The Characters

• They definitely go all in on character development in this film, they wanted to give everyone more character and personality and backstory. We’re missing a few of our Spider friends from the first film but they’re replaced with some new faces!

• Miles, the absolute GOAT, was such a great protagonist in this film. We spend a lot more time with his family this time around and they didn’t shy away from the slow and heavy moments. His mom even gets more of a role in this movie and she was great! He’s only 15 y/o in this movie and absolutely outsmarted every single other Spider at one point which was great to watch! There’s a plot point in the movie concerning Miles that will absolutely break your heart 😭

• Gwen gets a lot more screen time than in ITSV, she’s a stand out character in this movie! We get to see the relationship she has with her dad and get to go more in depth about how she lost her Peter! And I’m happy they didn’t rely too heavily on the romantic aspects between Gwen and Miles, but they touched on it and it was incredibly sweet!

• Miguel O’Hara my beloved!!! (I’m an Oscar Isaac stan, Moon Knight was the best Marvel tv show, fight me on it, lmao) I wouldn’t consider Spider-Man 2099 a villain, but he made a very good antagonist to Miles, he was very threatening! He didn’t get a very in-depth back story but you were given just enough information to sympathize with his pain. Something seemed fishy about his story, maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I’m hopeful they dive into it more in the sequel!

• SPIDER-PUNK, HOBIE BROWN OMG, what a fantastic new addition, he’s such a fucking anarchist and it’s great! He speaks in a thick cockney accent and I love his rebellious nature, he don’t give two shits about what anybody thinks! His character’s look might be the most impressive in the film, apparently it took animators 3 years to make him look the way he did!!

• Pavitr Prabhakar, baby boy, sunshine!! He’s a little cocky but in a cute way! His home of Mumbattan was SO GOD DAMN COLORFUL! I honestly wished he had more screen time because he was super funny and HIS HAIR, SO FLUFFY AND SOFT!!!

• Everyone’s favorite Peter B Parker makes a return! I can say he didn’t have as big of a role in the film as ITSV but he was still great regardless! And now he has a baby girl named Mayday!! And he kept trying to show everyone pictures of her like an actual new parent would lol.

• Jessica Drew is also a new character! She was super badass with her Spider Cycle! AND she was pregnant the whole movie which is even more badass! (Also, side note, when Gwen asked about her pregnancy, I really appreciated that Jess said that they she didn’t know the sex of the baby instead of saying gender, it was small but I liked that little detail!)

• Spot, the main villain of this movie (and the next) was interesting! If I had any real complaints about this movie, it would be that Spot was not in this movie as much as I hoped. I understand why because this is the first part of a 2-part movie, but by the end of the movie, he shows up and I was like “Oh yeah, Spot, where the hell has he been??” But he technically is a character we’ve seen before (I don’t wanna say who because it’s actually funny who he turns out to be!) He starts out being kind of goofy but he gets very threatening!

• There are bunch of other minor characters that I won’t go too deep into but my favorite minor character had to be Ben Riley, he was made to be super over dramatic and stated really obvious things while he was on patrol, got a few laughs out of me!

- The Plot

• Babes, the story is so good in this. I don’t want to give EVERYTHING away cuz I want y’all to see it for yourselves but I will say that this is a 2-parter! There is a “to be continued” at the end of the movie just so you’re prepared!

• The basic premise is that the Spiders have to take down Spot because he’s hopping to different dimensions, making himself more powerful. Spot has a personal grudge against Miles and wants to take away everything from him. You can tell from the trailers that Miles is trying to defy Miguel and what he’s doing, which ends up going in a very suspenseful direction! Again, not going to spoil everything, but it’s just such a great story!

• Like I said, they focus more heavily on family dynamics in the sequel which I loved! More time with Jeff and Rio which was nice to see, Rio has a great talk with Miles during the movie and it was so heartfelt! Gwen and her dad have a few scenes together too, it’s a really great relationship to watch unfold. Gwen and Miles have some great character moments together, but of course it’s not all positive!

• The dynamic between the different Spiders is a blast as well! I was never bored with this movie, it kept me engaged even during the non-action sequences because they did a great job making you care about these characters!

• This movie clocks in at almost 2 1/2 hours but I promise you, you’re not gonna feel that time. I did not want this movie to end! They throw so much at you but at the same time, you’re gonna leave wanting more!

• Where this movie ends is…wow!! I can say I definitely didn’t see it coming until a few seconds before they revealed what was going on, and I sat there and just went “oh…oh no…” for the last 10-15 minutes lol. And apparently the sequel will be out next year! And thank God cuz I could not wait another 3 years!

• A heads up! There aren’t any end credit scenes so you don’t have to stay for those! The only thing that happens after the initial credits is text appearing saying “Miles Morales will return in…” and it gives you the next movie title (won’t say what it is!)

- Miscellaneous (mostly Easter eggs and cameos)

• There were so many GOD DAMN Easter eggs in this film, it’s insane! I know I’ll have to watch it a few more times if I want to catch everything the put in here! There is def one cameo that stands out above everything else (I won’t say who, but you’ll know when you see him 😏)

• They actually showed very brief scenes from Toby Maguire and Andrew Garfield’s movies which caught me completely by surprise, but I sure as shit was happy about it!!

• They don’t show any scenes from Tom Holland’s Spider-Man (which I understand cuz Marvel 🙄) BUT they make two references to it, one with a line from Miguel and with the cameo I mentioned previously!

• The Spectacular Spider-Man had a fucking voice line and I almost passed out, like I watched the shit out of that show, I was so happy he was included! They also showed the PS4/PS5 version of Spider-Man which I thought was pretty funny!

- Final Thoughts

• Peak cinema! The story, the characters, the visuals…all incredible! Go watch it right now immediately!!

[virtualdimensionsss]

ok im dropping my live reaction (its long and im sorry)

veeeeery spoilery so be warned

OMGGGGGGGGGG SO EXCITREDDDDDDD

been waiting for like??????? 3 years??????????????????/

THE RIPTIDE MUSIC
THEY DID IT THEY DID THE LINE

HE SOUNDS SM LIKE PERCY

WHY IS BABY PERCY SO CUTE LIKE WHAT

they play mythomagic??????????????? I CANT

icb i was like. at the met. he was there. I WAS SITTING ON THE SAME STEPS

the framing is so good???????????? like the shots? WHAT

sally medusa apologist. yes

gives him the pen so early????

“that doesn’t sound right” BESTIE ILY

oooooooo they changed the mrs dodds part but its still COOL

percy jackson and the gaslight gatekeeper girlboss

WOW betrayal grover

HIS FRECKLES A BABY

this tiny baby is gna have to walk through tartarus help

EW SMELLY GABE

wait he’s so much less bad than i expected

sally olivia stan??????????????

SHES SUCH A SLAY

YES GET IT SALLY TELLING GABE OFF???????????

she’s sm more like confrontational in this i love it

ooooooo ok sm changes but like its good???????? if not it wld be boring i feel but now there’s like. SUSPENSE

“you fell in love with god?? like…… jesus??????” PERCY I LOVE YOU

100% he thought sally was the next virgin mary for a hot second

also its really sweet that sallys the one who told him like its sm more special that way

grover why is there half a goat in your pants??? so uhhhhh the important thing is not to panic…

YOU DROOL WHEN YOU SLEEP??????????? FIRST ANNABETH SIGHTING LETS GO

PIMENTO IS THE PERFECT CASTING. IMPECCABLE

“….son.” IM DYING BITCH U DIDNT

chb actually looks exactly like how i imagined

not the cabin part cos there’s like. alot of trees more than i expected but its a slay

LUKE?????? MY MAN????????? HES SO DOESNT LOOK LIKE LUKE BUT THE VIBES???????

the slightly unhinged undertone……… u can tell he’s gna fuck some shit up soon

also i thought the tree woman was juniper for a hot second and got worried

but also i thought the dryads were meant to be like. normal girls js with green blood. what is this bark creature

i miss the pinochle scene but its still. good

ahhhhhhhhhhh i cannot wait for annabethhhh

SHES SO GOOD were u stalking me? uh yeah

luke: yeah percy’s got this percy: heehee leezard

annabeth: sorry *shoves him into the water*

THEY DIDNT DO THE ALL HAIL

im sally jackson’s son YES PERCY ILY

the credits are sooooooooo pretty

[msfbgraves]

Daniel comes off as totally irresistible in your MobAU. I bet Terry was all “That little Italian Omega means nothing to me, I can get over this.” And then he fails to, spectacularly. Oops. Anyway, just how desperate was Terry to have his wedding night, lol? 

Desperate enough! In fact:

“You're being honeytrapped, you know that.” John crosses his arms, face set in a signature scowl.

He looks at him. “Do you have anything new to say?”

“It bears repeating.” He lifts his chin. “Terry, they're stalling. Only people who do that are weak. Do you want them to regroup first?”

“We can take 'em, John, but can we hold them?”

“The feck you take me for? Of course!”

He smiles. “Johnny. I don't have time to play dictator. I, we, we need to expand, and if I have to waste my people babysitting some resentful Italians, that's not ever gonna work. There's the Russians, Chinese, Arabs and they're hungry.”

John sniffs. “We could take Russians, or Chinese or half of feckin England if we stick to our ground.”

“Sure, and then, when we're depleted, some damned cartel boss is going to swoop in. Let them do that to the other ones first.”

John leans on his hand fixes him. “If this is about the Prima Donna -”

“It's a boy, John.”

“It's a goat for all I care. It's trouble, you eejit. How often have you seen him, once?” He scoffs. “Jesus, Terry. They're throwing kitties at you as we speak.”

He sighs. “Trying to buy their way in, they don't offer anything.”

“Oh, and he does?”

Christ, that smell. The ripeness of him. Health, too. He'd not lacked for anything. But those eyes were quick. The fire in them. And those lips...

John shakes his head. “Jesus, it's like fucking Troy.” He stands up. “You're getting killed tonight, you eejit, so I'm putting everyone on high alert. Again.”

Terry grins. “All I ask.”

“I will squeeze your Mandy for a payout, so,” John says. “That English bitch of hers can pay for the service.”

“I have no doubt,” Terry says. “You'll be King of the block, Johnny.”

But never more, and that is what he needs to find a way to prevent.

And this way is looking ever more appealing.

***

Sweet Mother of God, is he gorgeous.

And even more pissed off than last time.

“It's good to see you” gets him an: “Is it? Why?”

He touches his arm. “Come now, don't fish for compliments.” He leans over, whispers in his ear: “You know you're beautiful.”

The boy freezes for half a second. “And that's the most important thing?”

“It's all I know as yet.” He straightens up. “I was hoping we could change that.”

He blushes, look away, seemingly not a day older than fourteen. “And what if I don't want that?”

“Then you might miss out on some fun.” He winks at him. “C'mon. What do you have to lose?”

In fact, nobody can stay snippy on the subject of fun for very long, Terry knows that from experience, and soon enough they're knee deep into a discussion of Pop vs Swing. The boy is really into guitar, keeps talking about some fella called Reinhardt. It's refreshing, after all the Benny Goodman talk. But then he leans over, whispers in a conspiratorial tone: “But who I really like is Robert Johnson.”

Terry nearly spits out his wine. “Johnson?” he says, trying not to laugh. “Sweetheart. What do you have to be blue about?”

The hurt that flashes over his face makes Terry wants to kick himself. “I don't know,” the boy says, pulling back. “People not taking you seriously?”

“Daniele,” his mother interjects suddenly. “All this music talk – why don't you play us something?”

He frowns. “Ah, no, Ma...”

“Yes,” the Don says. “What a good idea. Daniele, get your instrument.”

There's a murmur of assent. And of course Terry wants to hear it, but he hates how the boy ducks together. “Why don't we all play something?” he says, looking at the rather grand piano in the adjacent room.

“My son is very good,” the Don says. “In fact, I'd say he sometimes even plays too much.”

Bastard. The utter bastard. Why put him on the spot like that? “Really, it'd be my pleasure,” Terry says, but the Don has fixed his son again. “Now, please, Daniele.”

Poor sweetheart, but there's little to be done. They all file into the other room as he slinks away to get a guitar.

But oh, baby knows his instrument. He can see the look of concentration that only comes from genuine enjoyment. Turn inside, Terry wants to whisper to him. Where it's you and the notes. Nothing else.

And when he seems poised to do just that:

“Mozart,” the Don says.

His head shoots up. “What?”

“It's all I've heard you play for days,” the Don says. “Mozart.”

“I'm not done with that one yet,” he says, turning pale. He looks to the room. “It's not written for guitar, I was transcribing it, please...”

The Don gives a thin smile. “Mozart.”

“Come on, Daniel!” that's the eldest. “We've all heard it!”

And now Terry can't help himself. “Do you mind?”

The boy seems to make a decision, by all accounts to get it the hell over with. He sits down, breathes in, and starts.

Oh, sweetheart. Sweetheart. It's Alla Turca, and those quick sixteenths are hard enough as it is on piano. (He should know, with old Dougal Andrews always urging him to play 'real music' until he finally relented and taught him this one, free of charge.) But those runs need supporting chords, and that's murderously difficult on solo guitar, so you're constantly stuck making compromises. It's not impossible, but it's hardly intuitive, and he sees the boy's brow furrow in pained concentration.

And then he stops.

Of course. Terry doesn't wait but walks over, opens the piano and continues the piece, hoping he's found the right key – by all accounts, he has – and nods at Daniel. The boy understands, plays the repetition as intended, but at least, with Terry on chords, he has his hands free to focus on the melody.

He sees him breathe out, relax.

Good boy.

He's even joking around with the tempi a little bit, little showoff, and draws out the end chord ridiculously long, until Terry sees the Don pull a face.

Serves him right.

“Thanks,” he mumbles and moves to put away his guitar, determinedly avoiding eye contact.

Well, he'll have to make him listen, then, won't he?

Terry puts his fingers back on the keys, can't help picturing what he'd like to do if those fingers were caressing someone's skin. And yet, he can't but well up a little; the last person he'd played this for was Mandy.

Oh, Danny Boy...

Not something often played in a room full of Italians, and he sees the uncle give him a hard look in the minute pause between phrases.

He plays all four verses, improvising as he goes. Then he closes the piano, looks back at the omega.

The boy gives him a half smile.

“I thought they played this at funerals?”

For one second, Terry's stunned.

This brat. Feckin Hell!

The Don nods at him. “Thank you, Daniele. Mr. Silver. Care to join me for a cigar?”

He looks back at the boy, who's had the decency to turn bright red.

Just you wait, little one.

Back in the Don's room, he smokes the cigar standing up. “I'm not going to spoil him.”

The Don's smile is thin lipped. “That's what I said to my wife.”

Terry grins. “I can't make out if he's brave or stupid at times.”

The Don lifts his chin. “He is very young.” He stands from behind the desk. “Do we have a deal?”

Terry straightens up as well. “I would never let him go,” he says. “Not for the whole world.”

“Don't worry,” the Don says. “I won't.” He nods. “I'll have my attorney send you the details. My wife Lucille will be in charge of the arrangements.” He walks past him, opens the door.

“Good night, son.”

[plenilune]

for the ask meme: 4, 12, and 16!

oooooh

three best songs of 2022 this will be a little bit randomly chosen because this was the year I fell in love with music again.

HARDLY EVER SMILE(without you) - POiSON GiRL FRiEND

HEAVEN'S BLADE - coil

THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN - dick gaughan

bonus: three songs actually from 2022:

GO HOME - angel olsen

BLEED OUT - the mountain goats

NO NORMAL - black dresses

-

three best purchases of 2022:

1940S TAILCOAT OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! the employees at my favourite vintage shop were SO excited for me which was very sweet. I'd been dreaming about it since trying it on in like August but it was too expensive for an impulse purchase -- when a friend sent me Christmas money explicitly labelled GET SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU it was the first indulgence I hurled towards and I could not BELIEVE it was still there. it's missing a button but that just means I get to sew a slightly off-matching button on?

this was a gift not a purchase but it has completely changed our lives: huge handmade wooden countertop. now my older-than-me stand mixer has a place to live, and there's a SPACE to CHOP and PREPARE. also it looks so nice and homey, and Corey put up some old thrifted wooden shelves above it for spices, wine glasses, salts, mugs, etc. cosy as fuck.

these really ornate goblet-y wine glasses I got for like a dollar apiece at Goodwill. they've got so MUCH cut glass going on to play in the light and they're SO dramatic. :)))

bonus: I did not buy this but years ago for Valentine's day Corey got me a cryptex which when opened revealed a couple of vintage NYC metro tokens from back when, they were still metal tokens. I've kept them on a shelf of trinkets since then, but I had the impulsive urge a couple months ago to thread one through a hoop earring I had lying around. I've worn it basically three quarters of the time every day since then.

things i look forward to in 2023

okay this is really small but there's a newish bar / cafe I just found out about before Christmas that's full of cosy velvet chairs and couches and moss art on the walls and they have incredible coffees and cocktails and little snacks and things -- but they CLOSED FOR A COMPLETELY REASONABLE HOLIDAY BREAK. they're on one of my regularly-travelled bus lines at the same stop as the cafe where I get shokupan and sometimes kimchi egg croissants so in 2023 I am so excited to go read there for a few hours and drink an espresso martini and eat some gorgeous little canapes.

I'm going to watch a LOT of films in 2023. first on the deep-dive list are David Lynch (I saw a lot of Lynch as a teen but none of the Big Ones, weirdly), Bill Morrison, and the obvious Tarkovsky and Argento. also lots of other stuff. I'm excited to Love Cinema again..

MY BIANCHI NUOVO ALLORO. Corey just put some gorgeous Rivendell bars on her. I am going to go on long too-fast rides on the MOST BEAUTIFUL FUCKING BICYCLE IN THE WORLD when it's regularly warm again.

[transskywardsword]

Spider Meet Fly/Fly Meet Spider Chpt 5 - Intermission One: Ganondorf of the Gerudo

a totk au where link and zelda switch places, focusing on fixing plot holes found in the memories and giving ganondorf actual characterization

read all of spider/fly on ao3

The twins returned just as the sun was beginning to set. Hyrule’s sun was strange—its light was soft, its heat gentle, and as Ganondorf stood along the edge of the cliffside that framed the Regancia River, he felt a pang of bitterness that he refused to acknowledge as jealousy. He wasn’t a child, he was a chief, a king, and jealousy was unbecoming of him, even if the mild warmth of this summer day was so much sweeter than the blazing sun of his own home. The Gerudo desert was harsh yes, but it was still a place of beauty, and he would not let the kingdom of Hyrule with its greenery and cool winds turn him against it.

Still, even if Ganondof was positive the sunsets were more beautiful when against the sand dunes, it was hard to deny that the shimmering reflection of the setting sun on the Regancia was breathtaking.

Damn it all. Ganondorf missed home.

There was the soft crunch of twin footfalls behind him and Ganondorf’s shoulders relaxed. About time.

“My lord,” his sisters called from behind him, voices in perfect unison. “We have returned.”

“I can see that,” Ganondorf said dryly, turning his back on the sunset and taking in his sisters. “Did you meet any trouble?”

“From those cowards?” Kotake scoffed. “Please, don’t make me laugh.”

“Rauru is hesitant to draw arms out of a misguided notion of keeping up appearances and only that,” Ganondorf said, raising a hand to his sister’s cheek. The gold of her mask had been warmed by the heat of her skin. “Do not confuse that with cowardice. Let me see your face.”

Kotake brushed his hand away and unhooked the mask from behind her ears, Koume following suit. Their faces were damp with sweat and flushed from the weight of the metal, and Ganondorf loved them so much it hurt. He pressed the side of his nose against Kotake’s cheek in greeting, then did the same to Koume.

Ganondorf drew back. “And you gave them my message?”

“To go fuck themselves?” Koume said with a cackle, “Absolutely.”

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. “You made our conditions clear, yes? Not just the obscenities?”

“Aye. Leave or face consequences. We made that clear.”

“Good. You’ve done well. Have you eaten?”

The women shook their heads, and Ganondorf placed a hand on each of their shoulders. “Then let’s eat.”

Ganondorf steered the two women towards the base camp further from the edge of the cliff. Night had finally begun to fall, but the chill of the desert was nowhere to be found. The warmth of the day still lingered pleasantly, only a little humid, and Ganondorf tried not to seethe. Everything. Hyrule had everything, wanted for nothing, and still they wanted more. The Zora, the Gorons, the Rito—they had all caved under Rauru’s pressure, under his wife’s sweet lies, a promise of strength in numbers. But Ganondorf saw through it. The Hylians, the Zonai, they wanted domination, wanted the continent under one flag; the Gerudo would not fall for it. The Gerudo flag flew for themselves and them alone. Descended from Gods his ass—Rauru was nothing but a conman, and Ganondorf refused to be conned. The goat had his perfect climate and perfect harvest and perfect waters. Ganondorf had his desert. And if that man came for it, then Ganondorf would show him that the downside of having so much was that you had everything to lose.

The guards at the front of the main tent bowed as he and the twins entered, holding their gaze low for three counts before straightening, and the women inside followed.

“Chief,” one woman called, placing her hands over her heart to show she held no weapon and bowing low for a three count. “We’ve kept the food warm.”

“Thank you,” Ganondorf rumbled, sitting on the carpet in a single, fluid motion. Koume and Kotake flopped down with much less grace, Kotake flinging her mask somewhere to the side while Koume began to untie her boots. One of the younger girls, Eman, poked the fire and her mother, Layla, began pulling the eggah from the sides of the cooking pot where they had been left to crispen. Out came strips of thin, heavily seasoned sand seal.

“Let the fire sleep, love,” Layla said to her little one, who looked at her with a crinkled brow.

“But the chill will set in soon.”

“They have no such nights here,” Ganondorf said, and Eman looked at him with wide eyes.

“No cold nights?”

“Nor hot days. Hylian weather is known for its neutrality.”

The girl sat back on her heels, clearly confused, and Layla shooed her away. Ganondorf appreciated it—it wasn’t that he disliked children, but the stress of being so close to the damn ‘royalty’ was taking its toll. He should be better than this.

“There was something new, actually,” Koume said around her eggs. “Some weird brat that the royal family had. He looked Hylian at first glance, but after a second look he just seemed—”

“Off.” Kotake finished for her. “His ears weren’t quite the right shape, and his teeth weren’t sharp enough. It was like someone had a vague idea of what a Hylian looked like but forgot halfway through making him.”

“Rauru says he’s not from Hyrule—”

“—Some visiting nation outside the continent—”

“—Called him a fighter—”

“—but he looks scrawny—”

“—Tiny—”

“—One arm—”

“—Recent amputation, he was—”

“—off balance, off-kilter—”

“—Had a sword—”

“—Pretty sword—”

“—Broken sword—”

Ganondorf held up a hand. If he didn’t stop them now, they’d spend all night finishing each other’s sentences. But a new addition to the court… that could spell bad news. Or, just maybe, some good news for once. If the boy was new, then his allegiance might not be solidified. There could be an ally in him yet.

“Did you speak with him?”

The twins shook their heads.

“Rauru was quite protective of him.”

Ganondorf stoked his beard, running his fingers through the short red hair. He could use this. For once, he could have the leg up over that damn goat. He just needed a way in.

“Did Rauru make any notion towards an intention of removing his troops from Gerudo Valley?” Ganondorf said, looking deep into the dying flames.

“Nothing one way or another,” Kotake said, and Ganondorf nodded.

“Then I think it’s time we show the Zonai and the Hylians the might of the Gerudo.”

Kotake cackled with glee, shoving the last of the eggah in her mouth. “Can we blow something up?”

“Not yet. I need reconnaissance. Rauru has made a nasty habit of hiding just how many people he has baring arms for him.”

“But we just got back!”

“Not you. Me.”

“But brother!”

“Let us—”

“—We’ve been before—”

“—We know the land—”

“Enough,” Ganondorf said, raising a hand. “I know you wish to help, but you have done enough. I know what I need to do, and can do it best myself.”

Ganondorf stood and rolled his neck, working the feeling back into the muscle. His sisters looked up at him with baby sand seal eyes and pouty lips, but Ganondorf ignored them.

“Leave. Prepare for an extraction, should problems arise.”

The twins sighed.

“Yes, brother.”

“Good.”

Ganondorf stepped outside the tent flap, looking out at the night sky before him. “Let us see just what Rauru is hiding.”

---

Ganondorf stroked the mane of his stallion, debating bringing him along. Mars was a brilliant horse, 20 hands tall with a mane of red so bright it appeared to burn against his charcoal coat. He’d been fitted with the best gear money could find, embroidered Gerudo symbols and the black and green and red of royalty covering every inch of his tack. Sure, a sand seal was more maneuverable in a sandstorm, but Mars could outrun any storm, his hulking mass trampling any sorry creature that dared stand in his way. Kotake joked Ganondorf loved the horse more than he loved his sisters, and while Ganondorf wouldn’t go that far, if he had to choose between pulling the twins out of a sinkhole or Mars… he wasn’t sure which one he’d choose.

“Not today,” he murmured to the stallion as he offered him an endura carrot. “I have to be stealthy, and you are far from that.”

Mars made an offended sound, pushing his head against Ganondorf’s shoulder, and Ganondorf laughed softly. He pulled up his cloak hood, tying the fabrics close around him, and downed the sneaky elixir Layla had provided for him. The Gerudo were a noble people, regardless of the title of thieves and barbarians that Hylians who had never even seen a desert gave them, but that didn’t mean Ganondorf didn’t know how to hide, how to move like a living secret, how to become one with the night—back before he’d been crowned, when he had just been a scrawny trainee holding a sword too big for him, they had called him a phantom, saying he moved so fast and so silently that he must have been a ghost. As he dropped off the edge of the cliff into the river, he was sure he looked the part.

Ganondorf landed with a near-silent splash. The Regancia’s waves fluttered around him before settling, and Ganondorf swam with steady, slow strokes with the current before making his way to the bank. The Regancia was calmer and narrower than the Asfet, the Gerudo desert’s only river. The Asfet provided the valley with fresh water and nutrient-rich soil, but it was unpredictable and violent, with rapids that could sweep away an unsuspecting swimmer faster than they could think, dragging them down into its depths and leaving only adipocere and bone to be vomited up when the waves grew particularly violent. Desert thunderstorms electrified the currents, and flooded the banks, dragging homes and cattle into swirling vortexes. It was considered a right of passage for Gerudo soldiers to survive swimming from one bank to the other. Of the final tests of the Gerudo army—surviving abandonment in the desert, taking down a molduga with a single spear, winning in battle against the ruling general—swimming the Asfet was the one Ganondorf had dreaded the most. But, at least his near drowning at the hands of the Asfet had left him a strong swimmer with significant stamina. Making it through the Regancia was child’s play. Perhaps calling it that was even an insult to the average Gerudo child.

Ganondorf flipped down his hood to ring out his hair, braiding it quickly and wrapping it into a tight bun to better fit under the hood, and then was off again. Hyrule was a world of hills and towering pines, with the beginnings of mountain ranges puckering against the skyline, and if Ganondorf was in lesser shape, his calves would have been aching from hiking up the steep includes and rolling hills of Hyrule field. He lost track of how long he walked, sticking to the gloom of trees and rocky outcroppings, occasionally stopping to take note of the height of the moon in the sky. If he wasn’t back by the time it reached its height for the night, the twins would send the hounds after him and the camp would prepare for an extraction—Ganondorf knew it would never be needed, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

Soon, the gravity defying towers of the Zonai-Hylian castle graced the sky. How the hell did they stay up? Open-air floors kissed the horizon, held up by nothing but glowing green light, not seeming to even struggle against gravity, let alone fight it. How? Zonai tech continued to prove fascinating, and Ganondorf would think of endless possibilities it could be used for in the desert—of course, that would mean Rauru having to participate in cultural exchange instead of just conquering race after race under the lie of unity. Had he blessed the Rito with his people’s knowledge? The Zora? Goron? No. Because Rauru, at the end of the day, was more enamored by the worshiping of the others around him, more content with him and his people being viewed as gods, than he was with the betterment of the land.

And Ganondorf hated him for it.

Ganondorf tugged his hood tighter down and slipped silently through the dark to the edge of the castle’s perimeter. Reaching the castle had been the easy part; the real trouble was getting inside. Ganondorf had seen inside Hyrule Castle exactly three times, and each time he’d been flanked with royal guards adorned in feathers and Zonai warriors that towards higher than even him. He’d only seen the main foyer and the throne room, no more, no less, but he was confident he’d make it work.

“…we’ve given them plenty of chances, Mineru…”

Ganondorf’s head whipped up. There, stories above him, was a story without walls made up of a beautiful open-air garden, connected to the story below it only by a single spiral staircase. Standing at the edge, looking out to the newborn mountains with his arms clasped behind him, was Rauru. It was hard to make out his features that high up, and his voice was soft and almost inaudible as he spoke to the Zonai woman behind him—Mineru. Mineru said something, voice lost to the distance, and Ganondorf swore. He needed to get higher.

Ganondorf was well aware he was a large man, but he was far from a weak one. It took only a few seconds to hurriedly wrap his hands for the climb, and then he was off, hoisting himself up the wall and skittering upwards like a black lizard, cloak fluttering around his like crow’s wings.

“You needn’t be so hasty, brother,” Mineru said as Ganondorf hauled himself up onto the windowsill of the lower level, ears perked.

“The Gerudo are a threat as long as they continue to refuse the safety of an alliance with Hyrule.”

“Is it safety you’re so concerned with, or the Zonaite deposits under their great river?”

“Mineru!”

“Speak frankly. Your wife isn’t here to judge you. And neither am I. Think without your advisors for once, little brother.”

Rauru sighed. “I would be lying if I said the deposits aren’t… intriguing, or that Hyrule wouldn’t benefit from the commerce and power they’d bring. But think of the good that power could do for the Gerudo! Surly they must be suffering out there, with no resources or support but that river, governed by a beast of a man. Yes, access to the Zonaite mine would be wonderful, but the saving of the Gerudo… that is what I became king for. To help people.”

Ganondorf bristled. His people were thriving, thank you very much. Or… well…

… That was a lie. The Gerudo were far from thriving. The Great Asfet was drying up. Gibdos were emerging from underground, taking his scouts with them and leaving nothing left of the bodies but screaming redeads, ready to take more of their sisters down with them. Moldugas had become more and more unpredictable, breaking free of containment and wreaking havoc in the desert, destroying any community of Gerudo that lived outside the walled safety of Gerudo Town. It was rumored that a king molduga had even resurfaced, an omen of disaster to come. A sudden, unseasonable heat wave was stressing what little food supply they had and taking their sand seals, normally so adapted to the heat, out with it.

Ganondorf never wanted to see another child buried after losing a battle with sun poisoning.

So, yes. Aid would be nice, but only if freely given, and Rauru’s aid was anything but free.

“You’re too compassionate for your own good,” Mineru sighed. “It blinds you to what’s important. You’ve given the Gerudo chance after chance, and today the Twinrova spat it back in your face!”

Rauru sighed. “The question is how heavily they are influenced by their king.”

Ganondorf could have laughed at that. The twins, influenced by him? The two women had a tendency for codependency, and were loyal to a fault, but had always pushed back against him, be it for fun or for politics, ever since they were children. They might excel at following orders, and be far too dependent on each other, but Ganondorf would never dare to call the twins easily influenced—if he did and they caught wind of it, he had no doubt they would throw him to their moldugas, and see just how influential he could be when faced with the opinions of sand beasts.

“Does it matter? Their constant aggression can’t be ignored—”

“Can you imagine it, though? Serving under him? Living under him--?”

Ganondorf’s breath caught in his throat. He knew the Zonai king thought poorly of him and knew he did little to try to change that image, but the implication that he might be cruel to his own blood— Rauru continued and Ganondorf swallowed down the insult. Now was not the time for bruised pride.

“If Ganondorf truly acted with the goodwill of a ruler, then the Gerudo would already share the Hylian banner and their woes would be vanquished. We can help! His pride will be the end of a civilization.”

Ganondorf’s heart grew cold, then hot, blisteringly so, and he bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, hoping the pain would ground him as disgust pooled in his stomach. The Hylian banner had done nothing for the Rito, the Zora, the Goron, and it would do nothing for the Gerudo. It would stamp out their culture, bulldoze their land to make way for mines and Zonaite processing plants, would build statues of Hylia while tearing down those of the Eight Heroines. Help? Don’t patronize him. He knew what the Zonai really meant.

Mineru shifted to look over the edge of the garden and Ganondorf pressed closer to the windowsill, just out of sight. “Twinrova was curious about the boy,” She said softly. Rauru hmmed. Ganondorf’s ears perked up at the mention of the boy the twins had described. Scrawny with a fresh amputation, yet supposably a knight. A soldier from far away, whose face was almost Hylian, yet missing some of the essential puzzle pieces that made up a Hyrulian face.

“I won’t let them near him. Link is under my protection, and I won’t let Gerudo witches sink their nails into him, especially when he is so fragile.”

Mineru snorted. “I wouldn’t call him fragile.”

“You didn’t find him on that day—I almost thought he was past saving. The blood, the raw flesh, the exposed bone; it was an injury unlike anything I’d ever seen. Sonia’s time magic restarting his heart was all that kept him alive as we dragged him from the Plateau to the castle. Whatever foul magic it was that maimed him was in his blood, Mineru. I watched him waste away before my very eyes. If we hadn’t taken the arm… I doubt he would still be with us.”

“All that from his ‘mummy’?”

“Aye. At least, he thinks so. Called the infection ‘gloom’ and said that the mummy created it.”

Ganondorf frowned. Mummy… they were common enough in the desert, as burial in salt and sand was a staple for the rich and poor alike, but for a mummy to destroy someone so completely for it to be at the cost of their limb? A rabid gibdo, perhaps? A new strain of redead?

“Do you think this mummy could be a threat?”

“No. I think we have more pressing matters than Link’s mummy. Like Twinrova’s insistence on the removal of the troops on our border.”

Mineru made a sound of agreement. “As if Ganondorf would respect our sovereignty the moment we moved troops away from the mouth of Gerudo Valley—”

Ganondorf bit back a scoff. For the goats of all people to be discussing respect? Laughable.

“It sends forth a picture of weakness to continue bowing to them. I think…” Rauru sighed, long and deep. “I think it is time for movement. If the Gerudo king will not accept our invitation of safety and prosperity, choosing his people’s suffering over his stubbornness and pride… then we will show the Gerudo people that we care for their plight more than we fear Ganondorf. I will send one more messenger to the king, and if I do not receive a positive reply, we will move inland, further into the desert.”

“Is that wise?”

“Maybe, maybe not. I never claim to be a perfect king, but I will not allow Ganondorf to continue ruling with a greater love for power than love for his people.”

Ganondorf froze, his fingers suddenly numb where they clung to the wall. An invasion? The Zonai were finally giving up on airs of compromise and pacifism in exchange for war? Anger brewed in his bowels, black and red-hot, curling around his intestines like a dragon, screaming up inside him. His very body seemed to creak as he breathed out a fit of rage. He needed to be quiet. He could break down later—for now, he had to stay hidden.

“Very well. I shall send out a messenger.”

“And I shall speak with General Mune. I hate being on the offensive, but for the good of others, I shall overcome my discomfort.”

“For the good of the Gerudo.”

“For the good of Hyrule.”

“Go. Speak with your wife. We’ll discuss the details in the morning. For now, it is late, and I’m sure the baby has left her exhausted.”

Rauru laughed softly, as if he hadn’t just been discussing the invasion of Ganondorf’s desert, and Ganondorf didn’t linger to listen to him make small talk with his sister while planning the destruction of his people.

Ganondorf landed back on the ground with a soft crunch as the gravel gave beneath his feet. He straightened and began moving down away from the castle back to the treeline where, eventually, the Regancia waited for him with its small currents and shallow bank. Nothing like his river. Nothing like his home. Ganondorf’s gut sank at the thought. So, the Zonai were on the offensive. Ganondoft knew many of his people were itching for a fight, but defense was a hard position to play, and not often the Gerudo way. Unless…

Unless they weren’t on the defensive. Who said Rauru was the only one allowed to make the shots? Wasn’t the whole point of reconnaissance to get the upper hand? If Rauru wanted a fight, then why wait for him to bring it to the Gerudo?

Ganondorf picked up the pace, thoughts a buzz. There wasn’t time to consolidate their troops, not with the Zonai already at their door, but the drought and famine had left their molduga calvary desperate for meat. Maybe they would take pleasure in Zonai meat—only one way to be sure. Ganondorf was running now, almost to the treeline, and a cruel smile had carved its way onto his face. If Rauru wanted a battle, a battle he would get. The Gerudo assault would be unlike anything the Zonai in their precious gravity-defying castles had ever seen. Ganondorf would stand by his people, no matter how bloody it may get. Besides, what could one castle and one feathered army with their feathered blades do against the might of an entire molduga carvery?  Nothing, that was for sure. It would be a simple triumph.

And, a voice he didn’t quite recognize said, that lovely castle with its green grass and pleasant sun and sweet wind would be ripe for the taking. They’ve taken and taken and taken so much from you—why not take for yourself for a change?

Ganondorf slowed to a stop. He tried to imagine it for a moment—a world without the Zonai, a world were he would do more than fight against the elements for his people’s survival, ruling instead as a proper king. Ganondorf knew his faults. He had always been a jealous man. And at that moment, the need to covet was overwhelming. It could be his if he wanted. All his. His people would flourish, and all would be well.

But—

But then he would be no better than the Zonai, wouldn’t he? He pushed down the bitter envy and vicious need for something, instead turning back to the trees.

Suddenly, there came a flash of light and Ganondorf spun, hand on his blade hilt. The magatama blade was precious, a gift from his mother at his coronation, and the first blade to ever cut his hair. He could remember it as well as if it were yesterday, standing on the steps before the palace as his mother cut off feet of brilliant, scarlet hair, symbolizing the official change from boy to man, child to adult, prince to king. She’d placed the hilt in his hand and promised him that she knew he would change the world someday.

“Little pig,” she’d said, her hand on his, the metal warm from her touch, “one day the history books will mention you. Your name will go down in history—Ganondorf Dragmire is a name that will never be forgotten. I just know it.”

Her smile had been brighter than a wolf’s, and at that moment, 18 and already a head taller than her, Ganondorf believed her with his whole heart. He still did. He would make a mark on the Gerudo texts for generations to see—and, maybe, leave behind marks even texts from outside his land’s borders would remember.

The light came again, followed by a grunt and Ganondorf his hood further down. He should leave… but.

But there through the hedges, he could see a silhouette backlit by the lights of the castle. A figure, small and lopsided. From the shadows, Ganondorf could make out the glint of a sword. His breath caught. Fuck, had he been seen? Was this tiny little soldier coming to face him? Ganondorf would rather not kill someone before his assault could even begin. Instead, the figure planted its feet, its back turned to Ganondorf, and raised the sword in the air.

Something was wrong with the sword, that much was clear. It was misshapen, jagged, chipped to hell—broken sword, small, lopsided… could this be the Link he’d heard so much about?

“Just one,” He heard the man mutter. “Please, just one. I know you can do it. I know you can!” His arm raised even higher, as if he was trying to pierce the very clouds. Ganondorf lowered himself to the ground and crept closer, keeping as silent as the desert sand on a still day. The figure—Link?—mumbled something else and suddenly the sky lit up. There was a crackle, electricity hanging in the air, and light shot down to the blade. The sword glowed for a moment, exposing a blindingly brilliant blue light, before flickering and exploding outward in a flash of light. The figure yelped, dropping the blade as if burned, which, if the smell of singed flesh was anything to go by, he had been.

“Fuck!” He yelled, kicking the blade. “Fucking hells, Fi, just one strike!”  

The figure swore, then dropped to his knees, scrambling to the sword’s side. “No, no, no, you’re okay right?” He picked up the sword with his single arm and began inspecting it for new damage.

“You’re okay, see?” He croaked. “Perfectly fine. I’m sorry.”

The blade, obviously, did not reply. The man slumped down, clutching the sword to his chest.

“We’ll figure this out…” He said softly. “We’ll get home and Zelda will fix this, just like she always does, right?” He let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, just like always.”

Ganondorf decided he had seen enough. He slipped back into the treeline, leaving the madman to his sword talk. Still, the brilliant light couldn’t leave Ganondorf’s mind. That was more than magic. That was… holy.

So, Rauru had a priest of some kind with him, did he? No matter. Ganondorf wasn’t worried. He set off into the darkness, shoulders squared and jaw set. He had an assault to plan. Rauru wanted a fight?

Well then. Let it be known that a Gerudo never went down quietly

[pack-the-pack]

Fuck it imma do it:

*This list does not include the shows I've dropped. Only the ones I finished and or am currently watching.

• Love by chance (Thai) Good!

• Until we meet again (Thai) 7/10 enjoyed the flashbacks a lot but the reincarnation couple was very boring.

• 2gether (Thai) 3/10 Didn't like it.

• We best love: No.1 for you (Taiwanese) 8/10 Very good, love me skme classic enemies-to friends-to lovers trope. Didn't like the beginning of the second season tho, so I didn't even bother watching it oop.

• Young Royals (Swedish) 3/10 meh. Technically not a Drama I know, but I'll just lump it together cause there's just 2 western "dramas" I've watched.

• Wish you (Korean) 2/10 Boring. So. Very. Boring.

• Semantic Error (Korean) 8/10. Just that fucking kiss. I cannot. No more dead fish kisses, may the Gods be hailed! Korea do better and make more like this one please.

• Bad Buddy (Thai) 10/10 GOAT. Perfection. Utter, flawless perfection, no need to say anything else.

• Enchanté (Thai) 2/10 Terrible easily the worse one so far.

• Sotus (Thai) okay 7/10, maybe 8. Liked it but the clichés kind of held it back for me. Tried reading the novel, but it was very bad and I couldn't actually read it. Still a classic tho.

• Sotus S (Thai) 8/10. Better than Sotus in my opinion, mostly because Arthit is very cute looking and behaving through most of it. Still lack of kissies in my humble opinion.

• I Told Sunset About You + Last Twilight in Phuket (Thai) 8/10, I liked Bas more than that bitch Tae. Sorry but this one is just kind of overrated for me y'all. I can honestly say that there's better in this list. Maybe not cinematographically speaking, because hands down this one is a masterpiece in that aspect. But man.... Do I fucking hate Tae 😂 Hence why I haven't watched I Promised You The Moon.

• Cherry Magic (Japanese) 9/10. would have been a 10 if it actually had a kiss. Just lots of fun. The acting is amazing for a Japanese drama (I said what I said). Adachi is just so funny to watch and he's just straight up adorable.

• Papa and Daddy - season 1 (Taiwanese) 5/10 it's okay-ish. Season 2's change of actor was a bit upsetting tho :(( I liked the original actor so much. I hope it was just a career choice and not because of something tragic tho...

• Old Fashioned Cupcake (Japanese) 8/10 really enjoyed it. Ending was so abrupt tho :(( wanted more of it.

• Kieta Hatsukoi (Japanese) 5/10 cute but could use some work. Honestly don't see that much chemestry in the main couple (I said what I sait pt.2).

• Mr. Unlucky has no choice but to kiss! (Japanese) 4/10 it starts great but it also ends abruptly and loses momentum. Wish there was more of it.

• Senpai, this can't be love (Japanese) 7/10 very cute, but there was a lack of romance and once again ended way too early.

• Cherry Blossoms after Winter (Korean) 7/10 really loved it and we all know it's more of a 6 than a 7, but my bias is strong for this one because it just caters to so many of my basic bitch cliché needs.

• Eien no Kino (Japanese - on going) So far I'd say it's a 6/10 though. I'm enjoying it, but not THAT much.

• Cherry Magic Movie (Japanese) 5/10 Dissapointing beyond words... That clownery of a "kiss" I... Just don't talk to me about this fucking movie.

• Heartstopper (English) 8/10. Very sweet, very cute, heartwarming, and Nick Nelson has my heart. Waiting at the edge of my sit for season 2.

• Choco Milk Shake (Korean) 7/10 the missed opportunity of that poly realtionship kills me every time.

• My School President (Thai) 9/10 so far. And honestly that may be a runner up to take Bad Buddy's spot as my favourite, it all depends on how it goes and how it ends because we're still on episode 11. But honestly so cute, so heartwarming and genuine. I love it beyond words.

• Moonlight Chicken (Thai) 8/10 I'm shook honestly. Didn't expect the stupid named one to be this good. Also didn't expect to like this main couple so much given I dropped ATOATS because I didn't like their chemestry on screen. Came for GeminiForth, stayed for the amazing directing and plot. Would recommend.

Should I post the list of BL dramas I've watched (with the score and brief one line reviews) and let people make me questions about it? A/B/O related or not? Cause honestly I just love these shoes so much, they make my day brighter and they make me forget about my problems a little every day, and I'd just like to talk to more people about it.

[lwh-writing]

I was just contemplating Fullmetal Alchemist (as one does), thinking about the absolute peak hilarity that is Ed, Al, and Havoc, the certified Country Boys(TM), teaming up to bully Mustang, the certified City Boy(TM), when I was struck with an epiphany.

Riza Hawkeye is the OG Country Girl.

Like....

Lived in the middle of nowhere with her father in a 1900ish setting. In THAT time period and THAT location, she and Hawkeye Sr. would've had to have at least a homestead type of deal. Something small that they could work on and live off of on their own, unless they hired farmhands (which I doubt).

So a two-person homestead. I would love to claim they cultivated dairy to go with Arakawa's background, but to make that livable, it would be too many cows for 2 people to realistically handle on their own. So either they did a smaller animal, like, say, sheep and goats, or they harvested corn, wheat, or tobacco. Midwesterner here, so let's say corn and wheat.

Anyway, Riza and her father living it rough on a homestead.

Money's a bit tight at times, but Hawkeye Sr. can take care of most of the repairs with his alchemy, so they always get by.

They've got chickens, two cows, and a lovely mare who pulls the cart whenever they need to go to town.

Three-year-old Riza being super excited about feeding the chickens for the very first time, giggling and squealing with joy as she throws feed everywhere.

Five-year-old Riza walking five miles into town to attend classes at the little one-room schoolhouse. There are a little more than thirty total students, only eight of which are anywhere near her age.

Seven-year-old Riza holding back tears when Hawkeye Sr. teaches her how to pluck and prep a fresh chicken. She can do it all on her own with a dry eye by the time she's eight.

Eleven-year-old Riza finding a goat one day on the farm, and after checking with the neighbors to see if they're missing one, decides she might as well keep it.

This is a mistake. The goat and Riza are mortal enemies. The thing will refuse to stop nipping at Riza whenever she goes out to milk it. But it keeps giving milk and sneaking away only to come back with baby goats, so she's left to suffer in silence.

Twelve-year-old Riza waking up at dawn in the summer to go detassel corn. Comes back around noon with scrapes all up and down her arms and eats enough to feed an army.

Thirteen-year-old Riza learning how to shoot and being known as the best shot for miles around before the year is up.

Fourteen-year-old Riza coming home from school only to find a sharp-looking, sweet-talking, soft-handed City Boy who her father claims is going to be his alchemist apprentice from now on.

Riza despairing about Roy-Fucking-Mustang and his complete and utter incompetence at everything that isn't alchemy. The boy can't cook, can't hunt, and wouldn't know the first thing about farm animal care if Bessie the Demon Goat bit him in the eye.

Eventually, Riza puts Mustang on cleaning and laundry duty, because that, at least, he can do. (Thank God for his three-dozen sisters and their insistence that Roy pulls his weight with chores.)

Riza's schoolhouse friends sighing over "that handsome Roy" and Riza blanches because she could never see herself falling for someone who thought milking the cows hurt them somehow. (It doesn't. Refusing to milk an animal is extremely harmful to the critter involved, and it's very likely that they could get an infection and seriously injure themselves and/or die. Don't let the radicalized vegans fool you)

Riza, to her chagrin, does develop a crush on Roy-Fucking-Mustang, who wouldn't know farm animal care if Bessie the Demon Goat bit him in the eye.

Roy, for his part, has long been crushing on Riza Hawkeye, the swol farmer's daughter who could pick him up with one hand a shoot a goose out of the sky with the other.

Neither admits it though because Roy has long since embarrassed himself past the point of no return, and Riza has complained too much to the folks in town that if she were to romance Roy now.... Well. Ain't either of the kids going to make the first move, so no move is made.

Fast forward a decade or so and Team Mustang is investigating something in the country.

Ed, Al, and Havoc are giving Mustang shit about approaching a horse wrongly and how there ain't no fancy cars out here.

Roy tries to refute it and shut them down, but Riza snorts and idly says something about him still not knowing jack about farming despite living on hers for two years.

Riza exposes Roy. Ed, Al, and Havoc rejoice. Roy despairs about his secrets being out, and Maes demands any and all pictures once he finds out.

And that's how Roy Mustang spent the rest of his days being bullied by four blond-haired Country Folk(TM).